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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836266">In Waves</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustJim/pseuds/JustJim'>JustJim</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Useless_girl/pseuds/Useless_girl'>Useless_girl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Home Is Where the Spark Is [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Teen Wolf (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged up characters, Alpha Derek, Angst, Blood, Bottom Stiles, Dark, Depression, Detective Stiles, Drama, Emissary in Training Stiles, Epic Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Insanity, Love, M/M, Magic, Magic Stiles, Near Major Character Death, PTSD, R (explicit), Sickness, Slash, Soulmates, Spark Stiles, Supernatural - Freeform, Temporary Blindness, Top Derek, Trauma, Triggers, Violence, Werewolves, canon and non-canon elements, emissary bond, emissary stiles, injuries, m/m - Freeform, mate bond, matured Stiles, post-Teen Wolf, sterek, switch derek, temporary disability</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:13:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>36,926</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836266</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustJim/pseuds/JustJim, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Useless_girl/pseuds/Useless_girl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The magical wall that was installed into Derek’s mind didn’t miraculously solve the insanity he’s been struggling with. After the ritual the recovery time has its ups and downs and puts the mates’ love to the test again. Not to mention that an accident might draw in even more complications to Beacon Hills.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Home Is Where the Spark Is [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 12: In Waves - Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Note:</strong> This is the 12th part of the “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607563">Home Is Where the Spark Is</a>” series. To understand better what’s going on, we recommend reading the previous entries. Enjoy!</p><p><strong>Fandoms: </strong>Teen Wolf, Sterek</p><p><strong>Characters/relationships:</strong> Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale, Chris Argent, Alan Deaton</p><p><strong>Rating/category: </strong>R (explicit), supernatural, post-Teen Wolf, canon and non-canon elements, slash, M/M, Sterek, hurt/comfort, dark, angst, aged up characters, Spark Stiles, Magic Stiles, Emissary Stiles, Emissary in training Stiles, detective Stiles, matured Stiles, Alpha Derek, switch Derek, top Derek, bottom Stiles, drama, epic romance, love, magic, soulmates, Mate bond, Emissary bond, werewolves, PTSD, trauma, insanity, depression, violence, blood, triggers, temporary disability, temporary blindness, injuries, near major character death, sickness</p><p><strong>Summary:</strong> The magical wall that was installed into Derek’s mind didn’t miraculously solve the insanity he’s been struggling with. After the ritual the recovery time has its ups and downs and puts the mates’ love to the test again. Not to mention that an accident might draw in even more complications to Beacon Hills.</p><p><strong>Disclaimer:</strong> This is a product of our imagination and was written only for entertainment and fun. We don’t profit from this fanfiction and we mean no harm or disrespect against any real person, culture or custom that might appear in the story. All original pictures or edits and fictional characters used in the story belong to their respective owners and credit goes to them.</p>
<hr/><p>
  
</p><p><strong>Home Is Where the Spark Is<br/>
</strong> <em>By Just Jim &amp; Useless-girl</em></p><p>
  <strong>12: In Waves – Part 1</strong>
</p><p>Stiles woke with a start and the leftover that felt like a headache. His limbs were less heavy than the day before when he fainted into a much needed sleep, but they were still weary. Derek was still asleep on his side as he lifted his head and looked around.</p><p>“Oh hi...” he said to Chris, who was sitting on the couch not far from the bed, typing away on his phone. “What time is it?”</p><p>“11 am. Welcome back to the world of the living. I’ve heard you did quite the stunt yesterday,” he put away his phone once he finished texting whomever.</p><p>Stiles blinked a few times, looking at Derek for a moment or two then back to Chris as his mind played catching up.</p><p>“Oh yeah... Shielding Derek from going insane and all that. It was intense.”</p><p>“So I’ve heard,” the bearded hunter said, examining Stiles as if he was expecting him to burst into flames or something like that.</p><p>“Hey, I’m fine. Pretty sure he is too,” he pointed his thumb at the sleeping werewolf next to him. “You can stop babysitting us. Though, thanks for that.”</p><p>Chris raised a brow. “Try to get up first. Once I saw that you are capable of walking, I’ll make myself scarce.”</p><p>“Jesus, you drive a hard bargain...” Stiles huffed but shuffled to the edge of the bed into a sitting position. He needed a moment or two to find his equilibrium but once he did, he slowly stood and took a few steps towards the bathroom. “See? I’m good. Unless you want to watch me pee and brush my teeth and possibly take a shower, you can go do your own business... I know Deaton had put you on baby watch.”</p><p>“Your pack is painfully small when it comes to reliable people so yeah. I’ll wait here until you do the things listed above. And then I’ll go if I think you are okay,” he said on a neutral tone, phone already back in his hand, but he kept an eye on Stiles.</p><p>“Geeeez, okay, fine. You’re worse than me when I pester Derek about stuff...” the younger human rolled his eyes and took some more steps. Only the first few were unsteady then he got a hang of it and got himself a clean T-shirt and boxers before slowly walking into the bathroom to go through the things he needed to.</p><p>Waking up was considerably different for a blind person, because opening the eyes didn't result in daylight, it was still dark, which made Derek want to go back to sleep because it must be early still. Yet his full bladder and other senses told him it wasn't night anymore, especially the lack of a warm body next to his. Frowning, Derek reached sideways to find the spot still warm and he heard the shower running further away. Which meant the heartbeat close by had to belong to Argent. It explained the scent of gunpowder. Deaton had told him Chris would stay as long as they weren't up for it.<br/>
<br/>
"I'm not going to call you demonwolf," the raspy deep voice said.<br/>
<br/>
A smile tugged at his lips when Derek heard Argent quip, which was exactly the right way to deal with the entire situation because the wolf didn't want pity. "I don't want to be the alpha of alphas, Derek's fine."</p><p>There was no immediate answer but the amusement of the other man was felt through chemo signals.</p><p>Derek carefully sat up to test his body's state, which wasn't as bad as it could be. Tired sure, a lingering weakness from all it had been through which was something sleep and a good meal would heal. His head hurt, but it was manageable. It had to feel like that because of the trauma of having a wall built in there.<br/>
<br/>
"How are you feeling?" Argent asked next, genuinely curious.<br/>
<br/>
"Could be worse."<br/>
<br/>
"Sometimes I forget that extracting teeth is easier than you talking."<br/>
<br/>
It wasn't an insult, it was stated as a matter-of-fact and Derek could only arch his eyebrows at it. It wasn't going to be helpful if he was going to admit his feelings because it wasn't going to change anything. He was well enough to handle himself, that was for sure.</p><p>"That's true. Even for me, his mate, that's the case, so don't feel bad about it, Chris." That was Stiles coming back from the bathroom, skin pink and healthier-looking from the hot shower he just took. He was rubbing his wet hair with a towel, already dressed in the thick sweater and pair of boxers he had taken with him. He also felt much more awake and better with being clean and all that.<br/>
<br/>
"I won't have sleepless nights about it, I can promise that," the hunter gave him one of his trade mark half-smirks, the steely blue eyes sizing Stiles up again. "You look better."<br/>
<br/>
"Well thanks! I always look good," Stiles snorted. "You staying for breakfast? I'm dyyyying for some strong coffee and food. Lots of food. Who would've thought that tapping into such a big amount of magic would result in me wanting to eat everything that moves – or not? Oh, wait... We already knew that, right Derek?" he asked, not expecting an answer other than a grunt or something. "You're gonna eat something too. No talking yourself out of it this time," he warned his mate on a bossier tone as he walked to the bed and dropped the damp towel on its edge so he could lean on his hands to take a better look of Derek. "Close your eyes, Chris. R rated content coming up," he chuckled but didn't check if the hunter did so or not, just simply kissed Derek good morning on the lips.<br/>
<br/>
"Once you unglued your lips, some coffee would be good," Chris snorted and typed away on his phone again, not even looking up.<br/>
<br/>
"Oh god. Another cock-blocker..." Stiles sighed onto Derek's lips but gave him an extra peck before lowering his voice to a soft whisper. "You okay? I was worried."</p><p>As Derek recalled it, he didn't exactly talk himself out of meals, his stomach kept expelling them so when Stiles told him that there were no protests tolerated, he opened his mouth to object. Only his mate decided to saunter up so close, the bed dipped from the added weight and he could feel the warm breath caressing his face. Chris' warning from the younger human was also his warning, thankfully, so he didn't jerk away in surprise when soft lips touched his own. Obviously Stiles felt better with how perky he was after a shower, teasing the hunter shamelessly and even deepening the kiss despite Derek's morning breath.<br/>
<br/>
The wolf wasn't a morning person, adding all that had happened to them both to it and he was just not talkative, even less than usual. Though he had a feeling that unless he would eat, his coffee was going to be denied. Stiles had all these underhanded tactics.</p><p>"Some coffee would be good," he agreed with Chris at the question of him being okay. "I feel..." He took the time to think about his answer since he was unsure what word would describe it best. Derek licked his dry lips. "Rebuilt? It's not bad or good at the moment, too big for my skin." It felt weird, unnatural even. "Head hurts." Shame painkillers would do so very little for werewolves. It wasn't a pain from injury so his body wasn't so invested in healing it, as it didn't with smaller injuries either. The reason why Derek had taught his betas to break a bone to trigger their healing. It wasn't so simple for humans to help him with that so he wasn't going to ask. There was no guarantee it was going to work because it was most likely a result from the mental instability. "But I'm not drooling and drawing signs on the walls with my own blood so that's great."</p><p>Stiles outright snorted from that comment. "It's fantastic, not great," he stole another soft peck. "It means that it worked. The headache too. It'll hopefully fade. I can feel the wall in you. It's strong," he reassured Derek before he pulled back and stood up. "BTW, I'm feeling better too. I'm not a Christmas light anymore. Skin looks normal and most of the magic is more or less settled too," he informed the other two men. "Thanks for asking. Sooo... alright, Derek, you can get your coffee if you eat at least one buttered toast with it," Stiles announced, his stomach growling loudly just from the image of food in his head. "Down boy, we're gonna eat the fridge in a minute," he tapped a hand against his flat stomach a couple of times and picked up the damp towel to take it back to the bathroom on his way to the kitchen but paused and looked at Chris. "How do you drink your coffee, oh scary hunter?" he grinned.<br/>
<br/>
"Black. With two sugar," Argent looked at him as if he was still monitoring him. Or maybe trying to see the magic around Stiles? He could never know with this man.<br/>
<br/>
"See, Derek?! Even our intimidating hunter here doesn't drink his coffee dark and without nothing! Thank you, Chris!" Stiles huffed and marched towards the bathroom.<br/>
<br/>
"Previous argument?" the other human raised a brow.<br/>
<br/>
"Yeaaaah," Stiles chirped and man, all of a sudden he had a lot of energy despite the dull tiredness in his bones. "I don't get it how he can stomach that. Okay, I'm gonna start making breakfast. You are welcome to join us. Meanwhile could you help Derek to the bathroom? He's starting to stink from yesterday's potentially lethal activities. Thank you!" And with that he was padding to do what he planned to do.</p><p>"Like you give me the time to ask…" Derek muttered with an eye-roll, which was a motion gone unnoticed with his blank eyes. Stiles would rattle on and on and the Hale didn't feel like interrupting the stream, usually let him babble on. The magic didn't smell nor feel as settled as the other made it sound. Sure, maybe his skin wasn't showing it anymore to the ones able to see but Derek knew better. Either Stiles didn't take his medication or he was hyper on the jolt he got from all the overload of magic after a good night of sleep.<br/>
<br/>
Of course, there was the anticipated demand to get his coffee, he knew Stiles too well which wasn't a bad thing at all but it still made him pause and think about it when it happened. Something to marvel about, how well they fell into a life together with even the smallest things, like it was normal and not something which only started a few months ago.</p><p>"One toast," Derek agreed, realizing the moment the words left his mouth how much he sounded like a certain petulant toddler with the same last name as his. Around lunch time he was certain he'd devour a full meal, but right now, when just awake, food wasn't on the mind, coffee was!<br/>
<br/>
Coffee he wasn't getting because apparently he also stank. Derek growled at that, somebody was feeling like his old self already and it wasn't the werewolf. Chris was too busy chuckling under his breath at that, even more at the deadly glare Derek threw his way, missing its mark completely because he glared at empty space.</p><p>"You heard the man, Derek, I think you're supposed to shower." Argent was still chuckling when he said that. "I'm going to put your arm around my shoulders so you can get your bearings."<br/>
<br/>
"I can shower alone," Derek retorted, unknowingly echoing Stiles' statement from before. Could he shower alone though? Only one way to find out. On unsteady legs, he made his way to the bathroom, Chris forcing him to at least try to walk to the shower and stand in it to prove he could. It took some time and careful wall-touching to guide himself but he managed. The Argent made sure there was shampoo there and a towel within reach.<br/>
<br/>
"You can call me when you're done, I'll be right outside."</p><p>Meanwhile Stiles was humming to himself while he put on a big pot of coffee and began loading food onto the counter. It's been a while since he felt so energized and frankly, it was a welcomed change after the weeks of worrying and exhaustion. It also put him into a significantly better mood. Even with the perhaps sharper comments and all the teasing he fired off.<br/>
<br/>
It was probably also caused by the successful ritual from last night. It took a big weight off his chest and even breathing felt easier. He also felt somehow... stronger. It had to be the magic. As he was putting bread into the toaster and also began scrambling some eggs, he thought about that for a moment. He wasn't stupid. He knew that what he did yesterday was more than any of them thought was possible. The emissary also recognized the magic he had tapped into. He saw the Nemeton in his dreams again. He had borrowed magic from that ancient powerful tree. And he knew there was the possibility to tap into the lay lines too. He remembered feeling them last night. Enticing him to get to more power.<br/>
<br/>
But frankly, both the Nemeton's power and that possibility were scary. Stiles knew it would be so easy to get drunk on that kind of power, to get lost in it. But he didn't want to. He did what he did by accident and not to gain more power for himself, but for Derek, who was also tied to that tree. He just wanted to save his mate. Maybe the Nemeton 'let' him tap into that force to ensure they both survived. So they'd be able to keep protecting the land.</p><p>He often wondered why them? What was so special about them? Seemingly they both got connected with that tree by accident. But Stiles didn't believe in accidents or coincidences. He believed it was bound to happen. But why? To bring Derek and him together? To become the protectors of this land? He knew that Hales were such protectors in the past too. Talia the greatest and strongest until her untimely death. Were they destined to follow in her footsteps as an even stronger mated pair? A Spark and his wolf?<br/>
<br/>
Stiles couldn't answer any of these questions with certainty. He could only guess. But now they had time to eventually figure this out. The immediate danger of Derek going insane was warded off. Which was good. It allowed them to breathe and heal.<br/>
<br/>
So with that he sighed and started pouring coffee into three mugs, letting the fresh aroma fill his nose.</p><p>For Derek it wasn't as easy to get used to being blind when it came to the little things like finding out what was body wash and what was shampoo. He didn't have Beth's strawberry stuff here and the male ones tended to smell all the same. After sniffing the two bottles in his hands repeatedly without knowing which one was for what, he picked on instinct. He doubted it even mattered. The hair was lathered up, body carefully washed, especially the more potent parts like his armpits and crotch. Derek didn't mind the scent of bodies, it was normal but even to him, and with his sensitive nose, bodies could start to smell. If a human had to point out Derek was the one smelling badly, it had to be impressive.<br/>
<br/>
Drying himself off, he padded over to where he knew the sink was, carefully feeling around until he was there so he could brush his teeth, picking a toothbrush without knowing if it was his or Stiles'. It didn't matter as long as it did its job. Finding his deodorant was easy because the wolf had an unscented one which smelled like alcohol while Stiles had one of those popular ones, Axe? Something like it. It was all so normal, no whispers in his ear, no pressure in his head. Leaning on the sink, he breathed a few times, inhaling deeply, exhaling slowly. They were fine now.<br/>
<br/>
Wait, where were his clothes? Somewhere on the floor, and the bathroom was too big to look for them. Back when he had been working on renewing the room, the largeness felt nice but now it wasn't as useful anymore with the way he had placed the huge double sinks in the middle to shield off the large bathtub also placed in the middle. For a blind man it was confusing because he needed the wall to guide himself to find the door. There was a momentary flash of panic, which Derek quickly pushed down, making himself think. If the sink was here, then the tub was on the other side near the windows which meant if he kept the sink at the left side, he could stride ahead to find the wall where the door was. He had no idea how long he had taken to reach the familiar rusted door but he had managed and that was all that mattered.<br/>
<br/>
Completely naked, he strode back into the loft, feeling two pairs of eyes on him. "I lost my clothes." And he had no idea where Stiles had put the bags with fresh ones. Argent's eyes were fully on him. "What? You've seen me naked before."<br/>
<br/>
"Unmarked," Chris replied as he had spotted the two runes on the werewolf. "It's interesting that those did scar."<br/>
<br/>
"Yeah well... Stiles needs them." A little uselessly Derek stood there, not sure if he should go left or right or where Stiles was exactly. Some clothes would be good too.</p><p>The eggs were fried so Stiles abandoned the kitchen with a small smile and walked to the bags with their clothes. He hesitated only for a moment, not knowing if Derek still preferred wearing his clothes or his own, but it didn't really matter either since it was going to be only sweatpants and a Henley so he picked from his own pile and took the clothes to his mate.<br/>
<br/>
"Correction, I really need only the one on your arm. For the magic balancing," he added so Chris would understand. "The other was to seal his soul back to place," he said, helping Derek dress, though he <em>really</em> didn't mind the nudity. He found his mate gorgeously hot, but for Chris' sake they bothered with clothes.<br/>
<br/>
"Alright, my big bad wolf. It's breakfast and coffee time," he announced and took Derek's hand in his to lead him to the table. As much as he didn't mind helping Derek move around and everything else that came with him being temporarily blind, Stiles could hardly wait for him to be able to heal his eyesight. It was interesting to him that the magic didn't do that last night. But maybe it 'felt' that it wasn't time yet.<br/>
<br/>
Derek didn't need to ask, Stiles was there with clothes helping him into them even though he had already discovered how to get into clothes without having them on the wrong way. There was always that little label in the back so he'd look for that, check if it was on the inside or outside and made sure it was on the back when pulling clothes on. Henleys were even easier because they had buttons at the front. The sweatpants were comfortable though, even without underwear. No chafing happening.<br/>
<br/>
"It takes quite a lot to mark a werewolf like that," Chris stated the obvious as he followed them to the table and took a seat, but Stiles detected something like... respect(?) in his eyes when he looked at him. It was weird.<br/>
<br/>
"It's magic..." the emissary whispered on a mysterious tone and wiggled his long fingers in the air, obviously trying to joke it away. And he definitely didn't have some color on his cheeks or felt a bit embarrassed by that. Instead he opted to serve the coffee and breakfast like a good wifey would. Or a kitchen fairy. Both were fitting options in his opinion.</p><p>Letting Stiles lead him to the kitchen since that was quicker, Derek could smell eggs and coffee. Derek took a seat after patting the chair so he wouldn't land on his ass because he had missed the chair. Maybe he should ask Melissa about borrowing one of those sight sticks to move around so he had more of a warning with walls. Reaching out with his hand, he had nearly knocked over the mug with coffee if not for Stiles' quick reflexes who was used to his own spastic moves. Then he burned his hand on the hot pan of eggs when his mate was serving them up and he sighed at his own clumsiness.<br/>
<br/>
"Toast, Derek? Let me get it for you," Chris offered after rescuing another mug from being knocked over so the wolf wouldn't attempt to do it by himself and ruin the food he looked like he needed. Something hard plopped on his plate, smelling like butter and bread, followed by eggs when he was told to lean back so Stiles wouldn't melt his face off. Derek scooped the eggs on his toast with his fingers because he had no idea how to use utensils yet. So far so good. Taking hold of the slice of bread, he attempted to eat, unknowingly tipping the bread to one side too much so it all fell off again. This was why he hadn't wanted to eat in the first place!<br/>
<br/>
"I got it!" he told the two men, when he heard chairs scraping because they wanted to stand up to help him at the same time. Derek decided to eat the toast like it was because look at that, he could take a bite even though the angle was off and there was butter on his cheek. Maybe the scrambled eggs were easier with a spoon so with some feeling around, he used the one near his plate, carefully scooping a few morsels on it, slowly guiding the spoon to his mouth, only for it all to fall in his lap. So much for clean clothes. There was a deafening silence from the others.<br/>
<br/>
"Jesus," Derek huffed with laughter. "You two can laugh you know, I won't bite. Today."</p><p>Stiles knew that his mate was stubborn and didn't like to appear weak or clumsy – especially not in front of a hunter, even if he was kinda like a friend and ally to them. But Derek's attempts looked funny. Even if a part of him wanted to help, but definitely <em>not</em> pity him because Derek deserved more.<br/>
<br/>
"Thank fuck! I thought I was going to burst..." Stiles giggled and even wiped a teardrop from his eyes. "Though I wouldn't mind some biting later..." he added on a dirtier tone, making Chris roll his eyes.<br/>
<br/>
"Please, keep the sexy time for when I get out of your hair," the hunter grunted before taking a sip from his coffee and eating some more eggs.<br/>
<br/>
The grumbling of Stiles' stomach urged him to pay attention to his own hunger. Which was big. The kind he always felt after an extensive use of magic. Despite now feeling energized. So after drinking half a mug of coffee at one go, he finally dug in with his usual content little sounds. "Fuck, I can do a mean scrambled eggs and bacon combo..." he praised himself and bit into a toast too. "So how's the gun business going?" he asked the hunter with a full mouth, some morsels landing on the table.<br/>
<br/>
Argent didn't seem to mind. He had his usual calm and neutral – okay, maybe a bit intimidating – look on his face while first chewing then swallowing his bite. As if he wanted to pointedly show Stiles what the right order was. "Business is booming. Thanks for asking."<br/>
<br/>
"And the hunting?" Stiles asked in the same manner like his previous question, one leg moving constantly under the table and the slight fidgeting seemed to be back too along with some restless energy.</p><p>Derek left the eggs alone. It was too much of a hassle to keep trying. Instead he ate the dry toast as promised to 'earn' his coffee but to also test if his stomach was ready to deal with something inside of it. Of course he knew he had to get himself ready to eat without making this kind of a mess, and to actually nourish his body instead of avoiding food because he had no idea how to eat. However, in front of Argent, he wasn't going to ask his mate to help, he was going to eat later.<br/>
<br/>
"Hunting has been slow. There wasn't a pack around until Derek came back. Small cases I've handled with your father before that. I've been babysitting a lot these past months." The Argent threw a look towards Derek, who didn't feel guilty about it, because if Chris hadn't wanted to help, he had been able to say no.<br/>
<br/>
"Chris here is reluctant to admit he likes my company."<br/>
<br/>
"What's not to like? Snarls, growls and a smart ass mouth. I liked you best when you were sleeping all the time."<br/>
<br/>
"I liked you best then too." The werewolf shot back easily, at ease with their usual banter, which could get quite acerbic at times.</p><p>Stiles chuckled on the banter, eyeing the two males while he was shoveling food into his mouth. There was no other way to describe it. He was also immensely enjoying it. Which was a nice change after the last few weeks when he had to force himself to eat to keep his strength up. Even so, he had lost a couple of pounds, but given the circumstances he thought it was understandable.<br/>
<br/>
"As much as I love listening to your bromance blossoming and also we are grateful for your help, Chris, we don't want to keep you from your important allegedly legal deals or whatever you do nowadays. As you can see, we'll manage and promise not to stick our noses out of the loft..."<br/>
<br/>
"Are you kicking your babysitter out?"<br/>
<br/>
"Yes," Stiles said with an innocent smile after he swallowed his last bite and washed it down with the rest of his coffee.<br/>
<br/>
"Rude. Derek, you should teach your boy some manners."<br/>
<br/>
"Oh, I'd like that," Stiles chuckled. "Or see him try," he shot a hot look at Derek, leaving his gaze on the wolf a bit longer. He knew that his mate would feel it as well as the slight shift in his mood.<br/>
<br/>
"And that's my cue to give you some clearly much needed privacy..." Argent drank the last of his coffee too then stood. "Thanks for breakfast. Call if you need anything."</p><p>"I'm not going to try to teach him, there's more chance of the Nemeton turning into a full tree than Stiles learning manners." It was a light tease because Derek didn't want it any other way, Stiles was fine the way he was. Not perfect, not even close to it but neither was the Hale. That's why they worked so well, because they were far from perfection and understood one another's brokenness. At the Argent announcing he was going to go, Derek wasn't even going to try to see him out, it would end up with more embarrassment.<br/>
<br/>
"Thanks Chris, for all of it."<br/>
<br/>
"Sure, I'm keeping a tab," Chris joked as he left, no need to see him out because the loft wasn't that big and he knew the way. Derek meanwhile inhaled his coffee, feeling like he had earned it because he had finished the stupid toast. And his stomach wasn't protesting either so that is what he called the win of the day. Food and Derek always had been at odds. Werewolves wouldn't get overweight but they could lose weight. Peter had already been complaining months ago about his nephew looking gaunt, so it was a good thing he had left town again without more of his useful comments.<br/>
<br/>
"You chased him off fast...?"</p><p>"Yeah, because I prefer spending my time with you alone and without a babysitter," Stiles shrugged and began cleaning away the remains of the breakfast to do something with his hands. He had other ideas about how he could make his hands more useful, but he wasn't sure Derek was ready for anything like that. Which was a bummer, because Stiles felt... restless. Buzzing with energy and anticipation that he couldn't really put a finger on. Or calm down.<br/>
<br/>
Yeah, well, he knew what he wanted, but he was trying to push that down in favor of his mate getting used to both the blindness and not being so overwhelmed by insanity. He secretly checked on the wall again while putting the dishes into the sink and starting to wash them in silence. The wall was strong as he said before. Working as it was supposed to.<br/>
<br/>
But all of a sudden, Stiles went silent compared to his previous behavior as he was scrubbing the plates under the running water. It was easier to focus on everyday deeds than facing lingering problems – or desires.<br/>
<br/>
"Stomach okay?" he asked, remembering the times he sometimes literally had to jump to the side to avoid being vomited on.</p><p>Stiles was jittery and restless, moving around the loft to clean up, shooting glances at Derek he thought the older man wouldn't pick up on since they weren't lingering. But he still felt the way he was looked at repeatedly, as if he should know what was going on. It could be a result of all the magic, it could be Stiles realizing he had a mental patient with severe PTSD as his mate now and he kept looking at him to make sure he wasn't going anywhere. There were many things going on, many reasons possible for Stiles to be so restless and though chemo signals helped him, Derek wasn't a mind-reader.<br/>
<br/>
"So far so good." The potions weren't in his body anymore, nor was the taste of ash or blood. Coffee had tasted like actual coffee and the toast tasted like burned bread, like toast always did to the werewolf. He knew that his body hadn't been in Hell for three decades, he knew that he had been eating food and everything was fine but to his memories, it had been a long time since he ate. The fact his stomach was agreeing was a good thing for him. For them both. Derek hadn't enjoyed throwing up on the human all the time even though it had been his own fault for forcing the Hale to eat despite repeated warnings.<br/>
<br/>
"Maybe you can explain why it feels like you've overdosed on coffee and energy drinks, because there's something going on." Was it the arousal? Was Stiles ashamed for having bodily functions? Derek could smell it lingering around the human, one of the reasons why Chris was fine with leaving. "Is it because you want to have sex?"</p><p>Stiles' scrubbing paused for a moment or two then he finished the last plate and closed the tap before drying his hands, thinking for a moment or two.<br/>
<br/>
"That's part of it too..." he said carefully and finally turned around to face his blind mate. Yes, he was positively gorgeous and alluring to him, making his body react to the sight so he forced himself to look at the floor instead. "I miss you like that. It feels like it's been an eternity." Yes, their last real coupling was before the rut. During the heat it didn't really matter because Derek was kinda absent since the instincts completely took over. Not to mention the aftermath with which both of them have been struggling with. Then came the soul mending and the insanity, so yeah... Stiles did miss their intimate times, but more the reassurance of being cherished and loved instead of being just a tool for an in-heat alpha and a useful instrument of helping with his magical abilities.<br/>
<br/>
Not that he'd ever say anything about that since he helped in both cases as best as he could and didn't expect anything in return.<br/>
<br/>
"I think... it's also the pull of the upcoming Full Moon... and the effect of the magic from last night," he confessed. If someone would understand that pull then it was Derek with him being a born wolf. At some point of his life he had to have struggled with that. Right?</p><p>It wasn't something on Derek’s mind but he would be a liar if he didn't admit that he missed them sharing that. To Stiles it had been a while; to Derek it had been forever. It was easier for him to go without it, to slip back into old behaviors but he hadn't forgotten what Stiles had done for him, opening him up to a world of sex Derek had found out he liked. A lot.<br/>
<br/>
The pull of the Full Moon was different to the Hale. The sexual awareness had dimmed after Kate and his control during one was excellent. Usually. They had no idea how his control was going to be this time but with the wall in place, firmly, it shouldn't be a danger. Still, he could understand why Stiles felt the pull of the moon in that way. The younger man had a healthy sexual appetite and was bonded to a born werewolf. All the urges Derek had learned to suppress were probably ones the human felt all the more.<br/>
<br/>
"I'd like to try, if you want?" It probably sounded hesitant but that was mostly for Stiles' safety. "If we take it slow, if you let me be in charge, if you're okay with me taking my time since I can't see and I need my other senses to help me. I need this to be..." He amended his words. "I want this to be love, not lust." Derek wanted to try. After everything Stiles has done for him, he wanted to help him get grounded as well. There was a chance they wouldn't get far, that there were triggers but he knew Stiles would stop as soon as Derek asked him to. He trusted him with that.</p><p>The younger man looked up at that and studied his mate for a long moment. Not that he really had to do it. He could feel the sincerity and carefulness through their mate bond, after all. Then he nodded. Then he had to remind himself that Derek couldn't see that so he said it verbally too. "Okay, I'm very good with trying and I'll let you lead. I need this to be more about love too. It's been so very long since it was about that..." he said softly, obviously hinting at the mindless, lust-filled (and often unpleasant and painful) sex of the heat.<br/>
<br/>
Pushing himself away from the edge of the kitchen counter, he slowly walked to the table, stopping next to Derek, feeling a bit lost all of a sudden. "I want to try as well to help you reconnect with me on a physical level. We both might have triggers to avoid, but I'm sure we'll find our way. Plus... I've never been with a blind man, so that part sounds more than intriguing to me too," he chuckled softly at the end because of course he had to half-joke away the seriousness of the situation.<br/>
<br/>
Next he slowly held out a hand for Derek in the air between them. "Come then. I'll take us to the bed," he said with a suddenly drier mouth so he instinctively licked his lips. He felt so stupid for being so careful because Stiles knew sex always worked like a charm between them, but the logical part of him understood the whys behind that hesitancy.</p><p>"If... if there's anything I do you don't like, you have to tell me too." It was silly, to be as hesitant as Derek was. They’ve been together for a while now, but yet it almost felt like this was going to be their first time. Derek's memories were mostly blocked, trickling in at a pace which would limit his insanity which meant he didn't know what kind of triggers he had until they actually happened. Same went for Stiles who, unfortunately, had all of his memories intact of the time together where it hadn't been pleasant for him. Something Derek had done so there was a chance sex wasn't going to be working at all for them. If it didn't, that was okay too. There was no pressure with this.<br/>
<br/>
Derek wasn't the only one nervous though. Stiles felt jittery and unsure of himself, maybe because they knew this was possibly too soon or this would actually be the thing for their bond to settle. Standing from the table, the wolf knocked into a hand which had apparently been held out for him to take, but Derek could only sense an ember blob, not any distinct features such as hands or even a face. Stiles had no face, he was a vague shape because of his strong aura. It was better than nothing but it meant he did need help. The loft was spacious and mostly empty, which actually didn't help moving around it because there were no distinct points of recognition besides the hole in the wall and the few doors. Well, and the metal poles he had the pleasure of walking into once already.<br/>
<br/>
"Stiles..." Derek breathed, "I know where you are because of your aura. I can't see anything." Testing him for sight was useless at this point. "I don't even know where the bed is." Somewhere in the other area outside of the kitchen. "I don't know where your lips are." Or those he would have claimed already.</p><p>"Sorry, I had to test it. You know me," Stiles chuckled a bit nervously, stepping into Derek's space just to lift one of the wolf’s hands and place the fingertips against his lips. "My lips are right here... And... I promise I'll stop you if something doesn't feel right and I'll stop if you ask me to as well," he whispered, letting Derek's fingers trace his perfect bow-shaped lips then his cheeks, nose and face as he was relearning his features with his touches.<br/>
<br/>
It all sent pleasurable shivers down his spine as the slightly shorter druid loosely slid his arms around Derek, his long fingers finding their way under the Henley’s edge to touch warm smooth skin. His breathing hitched a bit and his heart skipped a beat or two from the intimate closeness and heat of the body in front of him. He's been longing for it more than he thought. To be touched, caressed, explored and kissed by the only man whom he loved with his whole being.<br/>
<br/>
The second Derek's lips tentatively brushed against his, he closed his eyes and immediately felt a bit calmer and less shy. The uncertainty was slowly fading too as he opened his lips for his mate, letting his tongue slip into his welcoming mouth. Stiles inhaled a bit sharper through his nose and quietly moaned into the very much appreciated gentle kiss, his arms tightening a bit around the muscular body to feel Derek even closer.<br/>
<br/>
This was good. So good...</p><p>Unknowingly Derek had the same thought: how good this was. To let his hands see and explore as if he couldn't draw Stiles from memory alone because the human's body was branded into his brain. He didn't need to see to know and yet exploring all the soft skin without his sight was different. It felt more intimate to be standing here in the kitchen, gently kissing one another with the careful love they both deserved. They both needed badly to touch and hold.<br/>
<br/>
Derek's hands went under the thick sweater to touch the skin there, feeling coarse hairs run their familiar path down, the softer hairs on the chest between the pecks, not nearly as much as the wolf hair but Stiles certainly had matured to having a nicely toned body with masculine hairs. His thumbs brushed over the nipples, caressing over them a few times to make them pebble even more, the small nubs easier to roll between his fingers. He was quiet, focused on exploring the warm mouth his tongue had invaded. The taste of Stiles was fresh, mostly coffee and food. The wolf was glad though that he had brushed his teeth along with the shower, or he wouldn't have been so enthused right now.<br/>
<br/>
There was no rush to get their clothes off, this was about taking it slow, about getting closer without pain being involved. No more pain for either one of them for a bit if possible. Derek didn't want to think about touching this skin and feel tendrils of black snaking up because of him. None were happening now, Stiles was completely pain-free, physically. Their souls were still raw and bleeding, aching for the love Derek was determined to show. He had his whole soul now, it was all his love and not Stiles'.</p><p>The younger man trembled from what he started feeling through their bonds. It was warm and moving, making Stiles melt more and more into the kiss and touches. His nipples lightly throbbing from the rubbing, each roll sending a wave of lust down into his groin, making his already awake cock grow harder under his boxers. His toes curled in his thick socks and held onto Derek a bit tighter for a moment.<br/>
<br/>
How come he could get so dizzy and lose his balance while standing completely still? Oh yes, because Derek's kiss and touches. He nearly forgot this man could have such an effect on him. And it was so wonderful to feel like that from his wolf again. His wolf... who was now devouring every inch, every nook of his mouth maybe a bit possessively while pouring his love into Stiles.<br/>
<br/>
All of a sudden the kitchen felt so hot. His sweater felt so damn itchy and too warm. Stiles wanted it off, but he didn't dare to move his hands from Derek's hips, his fingers splaying out to slide under the hem of the boxers Derek had on, caressing and lightly digging into the firm ass. His tongue was eagerly dancing with the other man's, the soft wet smacking sounds breaking the kitchen's silence – along with tiny sizzling sounds in the air. That was from the unsettled part of the magic reacting to Stiles' stirred up emotions.<br/>
<br/>
His heartbeats were faster now, his groping a bit more desperate, his head dizzy from the deep kiss and Derek's touches and scent and closeness. He was falling. Deeper and deeper into his pair and he wanted more. So much more.</p><p>Kissing with Stiles often felt like being swallowed down whole. There was this intensity in it, even then Derek did his best to keep it slow, keep the buildup. He knew it was the ADD in the other man, patience was hard when there was so much eagerness and the brain had trouble focusing for very long. It wasn't Stiles getting bored with him, it had nothing to do with Derek at all. He knew because he had read books, because before he met Stiles, ADD hadn't been part of his world and the spastic weird human wasn't one he understood. Until he had opened up a book and suddenly so much more was making sense. Not once had Derek even hinted at reading about the brain condition, but it helped him in certain situations, like now.<br/>
<br/>
Pulling away slightly, the wolf reached for the thick sweater to pull it off, along with the T-shirt underneath it to get to the naked skin. The clothes were dropped on the floor, probably or on the table they were still close to, the bed completely forgotten since Stiles' attention wasn't the only one distracted by what they were doing. With one shirt off, he helped Stiles get his off as well, which meant he was mostly not helping at all and there was that awkward moment where he got caught in the Henley.<br/>
<br/>
It pulled a laugh from him as he reached for Stiles, feeling for solid skin so he could get them pressed closely again. Much better, because now their scents were mingling with their skin pressed close, his own heat bleeding over to the human to keep him warm in a loft without much heating. They really had to fix that. His hands meanwhile caressed the familiar back, not feeling the moles that he knew were there, only a few of them small bumps but the rest were hidden from touch, like tattoos were.<br/>
<br/>
"Shhhh, breathe. We have time. I want to show you how much I love you by taking you apart with my mouth and fingers. I want to taste you and make you feel how much you mean to me."</p><p>Stiles nearly choked on a breath from those words. They moved him to the core. It felt like he had waited for an eternity to hear Derek say and do such things to him. He tried to focus, to say something, but he couldn't so he did what he was told and <em>breathed</em>. Drew in big lungfuls of the cool air of the loft. In and out. Over and over. It helped with the swirling magic, the trembling of his body and even somewhat with his erratically beating heart.<br/>
<br/>
His body felt more grounded, but his emotions were still all over the place as his back broke out in goose bumps, the Celtic tattoo there glowing and warming up a bit – as if in anticipation.<br/>
<br/>
"Yes, please..." he finally said on a hoarse voice, slender hands stroking down on the broad back. "Just... give me a second to get the lube first... Stay right here, don't go anywhere!" he chuckled, voice thick with emotion as he was trying hard to pull himself together.<br/>
<br/>
He reluctantly pulled away and stumbled a few times in his hurry towards the bed. There was a nice tent in his underwear, just like in Derek's, which made him pause half-way across the room for a moment with the bottle of lube already in his hand.<br/>
<br/>
"Gosh, you're gorgeous..." he breathed and put the bottle on the table on his way back to the warm body. He didn't care about the chill, though. His focus was sharp again because he had a new purpose. "I just... let me a bit..." he said, not sure if he was coherent at all from the strong need to touch and taste.<br/>
<br/>
Stiles was hilarious, like Derek could be going anywhere, especially with the way his body was influenced by what they have been doing. Getting lube now was smart though, it meant they wouldn't have to stop when it would get heated and Derek assumed they were going to do it right here. At least the table was sturdy enough for it or else there was always the floor. He leaned against the table, waiting for Stiles to return, which didn't take long at all, must be some record time.<br/>
<br/>
The next moment found Stiles dropped onto his knees in front of Derek, cool hands resting on Derek's hips, thumbs rubbing along the prominent V-line while Stiles couldn't stop himself from slowly rubbing his cheek against the erection under the damp fabric. His eyes rolled shut to enjoy that and Derek's strong musky scent as he nosed and mouthed along it.<br/>
<br/>
He knew Derek wanted to please him, but that didn't mean Stiles didn't want to do the same, so his fingers hooked under the edge of the pants and watched as the beautiful cock sprang free. A guttural moan was Derek's reward for being so hard and flushed dark and Stiles' pink tongue darted out to lick up along the whole length of the massive cock. Fingers dug deeper into Derek's skin before one hand wrapped around the thick girth and he licked and kissed away the pre-cum at the tip, enjoying the very much missed taste.<br/>
<br/>
There was no coherency to his words, Derek had no idea what he wanted to do until he heard the rustling of moving and his mate's face pressed against his very prominent erection, warm breaths ghosting through the rapidly dampening fabric of his pants, hands at his hips. It was then he knew what Stiles wanted from him, even before his pants were pulled down only enough to expose him. When a wet tongue pressed against his heated flesh, Derek had to reach out to use the table for his balance as he sank a little forward. His other hand found the unruly hair on top of Stiles' head to take hold, running through the strands until he had a good fistful of hair.<br/>
<br/>
"Please... Derek..." he said in-between suckles around the uncut tip "... fuck my mouth before you do all those things to me..." he asked and not waiting for an answer slipped the hard cock deeper into his moist mouth, eyes rolling shut as he moaned and sucked around it sensually.<br/>
<br/>
"Stiles...." He shouldn't be allowed to say those things out loud. It made the wolf groan because he could imagine what the human looked like that: on his knees with spit-slicked lips, shiny from a drop of pre-cum as he took Derek as deeply as possible with the large girth before him. And he shouldn't ask that of Derek because there was no way he was able to deny such a request.<br/>
<br/>
"Stiles," Derek repeated again, and then realized he should do what he was asked to give, his fingers splaying behind the skull to keep it there as he pressed forward with a thrust of the hips before pulling back to repeat the motion. The fucking was controlled, he couldn't see how far he pushed and he knew there was no way for his mate to take him all the way in. There was more spit now, slicking the way, wetting his erection.</p><p>Joy blossomed in Stiles' heart, spreading warmth out into his chest and whole being, his painfully hard cock throbbing under the last piece of clothing he had on, but he ignored that. Derek's big hand and strong fingers were welcomed in his hair at the back of his head. He also loved the slight pulling of said unruly hair as he got the first thrust he was longing for.<br/>
<br/>
He relaxed his jaw and mouth to let the thick cock slide deeper, the familiar rubbing against his lips started to make them go redder and more swollen, but he loved it. Loved how it slid in and out of his mouth, loved the sounds Derek was making. The way he said... no, moaned his name. Loved the pleasure he could feel through their wide open bonds even more. Derek was enjoying this just as much as he did.<br/>
<br/>
The starting slight ache in his jaw and knees didn't matter. The important thing was that his face was being fucked by his love for both their pleasure. Spit began running down Stiles' chin as he glimpsed up at his blind mate, hands splaying out on the rippling muscles of the hard abs, caressing, worshiping and then he relaxed his throat and let Derek's cock slide deeper.<br/>
<br/>
The chocking around it was unavoidable both from the size and the fact that it's been a while since Stiles could do this to his mate. His eyes watered as he fought off the annoying reflex, but didn't let Derek fully pull out. He chased after the hard shaft as he took a deep breath through his nose and then finally swallowed most of it. His throat constricted and he swallowed around it repeatedly a few times before he grabbed the base and fully pulled it out to get some more air into his burning lungs.<br/>
<br/>
"Love choking on you..." he said hoarsely and sucked Derek right back in, repeating the whole process once then twice before he pulled his hand back from the base and let the wolf dictate the pace and depth again.</p><p><em>Stiles really should stop talking</em>, Derek mused, because those few dirty words went straight to his cock, making him moan loudly as he was sucked right back in. This hadn't been the plan at all, and yet he was tempted to keep using his hips until he'd come down that hot and tight throat, but he didn't know how long it would take for him to get hard again, probably didn't have enough energy to go for two rounds as they usually would.<br/>
<br/>
"That's enough." With some regret, he pulled back, running his hands along his mate's face to caress him, to let him know he did well and how beautiful he was even though Derek couldn't see him. Stiles was always beautiful to him, inside and out. He was a remarkable example of human bravery even though the human had always disagreed on being a hero. "I don't want to come like this. Want to be inside you."<br/>
<br/>
Reaching for the table, he felt around to make sure it had been cleared of breakfast items, but there was only a bottle which he assumed was the lube Stiles had gotten them not long ago. He kicked off his pants at the same time as he lifted Stiles to get him on the table, a feast spread out only for him. He didn't need food as long as he could taste his mate.<br/>
<br/>
Derek fumbled his way to find the boxers on his mate, hooking his thumbs in the waistband to get it off as well. Stiles at least was helpful by lifting his hips to ease the way and the cloth ended up somewhere on the floor with the rest, wherever they were. Clearly floors were a black hole for the blind werewolf, especially when he was in a too spacious room. Hands found limber legs to spread them, to get at the prize in between, needing his mouth wherever it landed on first. Ass or cock, he wasn't picky because he was planning on giving both attention.</p><p>"Oh fuck... the things you say..." Stiles groaned, but didn't protest with Derek manhandling him onto the table. His poor knees appreciated that too, but he didn't care if they bruised or not. His focus was back on Derek and the look on his face as he spread his pale thighs. As if he could see him – which wasn't the case, of course. The lust and love were clear on his handsome face and truth be told, Stiles could hardly wait to see how the bushier beard was going to feel against his goose bumped skin.<br/>
<br/>
His cheeks were burning from this position, being spread out so shamelessly for his man. He leaned back onto his hands behind him, heart beating so hard and fast in anticipation that he had to remind himself to take another few deep breaths to calm down. Coming even before Derek's lips touched any part of his privates would be more than embarrassing. Not that being embarrassing around Derek was something new to Stiles. But still...<br/>
<br/>
Derek let him have his fun with the blow job, now it was his turn to let the wolf have his. Stiles just hoped that he'd last long enough for Derek to actually be able to bury himself inside of him. And <em>oh god</em>, that thought itself made him moan and squirm impatiently as he watched his mate lean closer to him, the hot breath ghosting against his sensitive skin, turning him on even more.</p><p>Derek was eager but very careful, he didn't want this to be him taking advantage of the situation or being too rough in his need for them to be together. It would be the opposite of what he was trying to do here. It wasn't just about easing the restfulness and arousal within Stiles, it was about them coming together with love. Though he had to wonder how much of it was love and how much of it was lust when they were about to do it on the kitchen table. If he had his sight, he would have carried his mate to the bed, but that would only cause accidents right now. He could almost predict the way they'd knock into everything so hard they had to either go to the ER for Stiles or the bed for healing sleep.<br/>
<br/>
The frantically beating heart reminded him to stay in the now. He had the human all spread out for him for the taking and this close, the arousal was almost heady in its thick scent.</p><p>"You smell so good," Derek breathed against the thick cock, the coarse pubic hair tickling at his chin to let him know where he was. With licks and nibbles he made his way to the head, guiding himself along the hard shaft. There was a chance Stiles wouldn't let him use his mouth to complete him, even though the wolf was eager for his taste but Derek wanted them to go all the way as well. They both needed it.<br/>
<br/>
Licking his lips, the erection slid between them, his tongue flattened against the flesh until the head brushed against the back of his throat. Derek pulled back then to savor the taste in his mouth. Maybe if he... Feeling around, he pulled up a chair, despite knowing how cheesy it was but it was actually a perfect height for what he was planning on doing. Though Derek's ass didn't appreciate the coldness of the chair on the naked skin, he could pull the body closer to the edge of the table.<br/>
<br/>
"I'm going to eat you out until you beg me to stop. Get you ready for me in all the ways I can because I love the taste of you, all of you." The wolf's mouth went down as he used his hands to keep the body open for him. Down to where Stiles was warm and smelling of musk.</p><p>"Jesus fuck! Derek!" Stiles cursed loud from Derek's words. He barely recovered from feeling his mate's lips on his aching cock after so long (and boy, that felt so fucking fantastic he wanted to come just from that!), and then Derek had to say such things! He loved that about Derek. He wasn't really big on talking dirty. No, he usually just stated the truth or what he was going to do and frankly, that could blow Stiles' mind away just as much as if he was whispering the filthiest things to him.<br/>
<br/>
"Not sure how long I'll last though... with you saying such things and doing... Oh god..." Stiles tried to put together some coherent sentences, but gave up the second he felt the wolf's hot breath behind his balls and twitching hole.<br/>
<br/>
The sight was mesmerizing too, of course. That gorgeous blind man of his keeping his slightly trembling thighs open, focused on the very willing feast in front of him... That was the point where Stiles forgot the slight aches and discomfort in his body from the hard surface. That's when he also had to lay back on his forearms instead of his hands, which allowed him to pull his legs a bit further up and apart for his mate.<br/>
<br/>
Even a year ago if someone had told him that Derek Hale was going to be eating him out on top of a kitchen table, he would've said they were insane – and then jerk off to that image once he was alone. Now it was happening and Stiles knew well that he was never going to look at this table the same way...</p><p>It still amazed him how much his words could have an influence on Stiles like this when Derek wasn't even going for talking dirty but it still had the same affect. Stiles was good at using his words, the human was able to get Derek to come in his pants with that filthy mouth of his. So when Derek had the same result by speaking what he was going to do, he'd gladly take it, making him feel very pleased with himself for being able to provide that for his mate.<br/>
<br/>
"Good thing for you my mouth will be busy," the wolf teased as he did put his focus on not using words but his tongue, pressing it against the furled opening which was clenching at the touch. That wouldn't be stopping him, but he knew how to coax it open. His tongue pressed against the hole before he lapped the skin around it, wetting the rim thoroughly with his spit and flattening the hairs around it. Slowly the muscle started to relax so he could push his tongue inside, getting the full taste. Nothing about Stiles would ever put him off from doing this to the younger man. Derek loved to get this intimate with him.<br/>
<br/>
What he loved even more than that were the sounds the human would make as he was being eaten out. These little sighs and moans and curses while he'd give desperate hip-swivels to get more in his impatient need. Derek was the one making him utter those sounds and nobody else was ever going to hear them, they were <em>all his</em>. Whatever Stiles needed, he would always give it, freely and willingly.<br/>
<br/>
Closing his eyes, Derek focused on wetting the hole with his spit, pushing his tongue inside and sucking on the rim itself. He could do this forever if Stiles would let him.</p><p>Stiles had already learned that if his favorite thing was to pleasure his mate with thorough blowjobs, then Derek's favorite thing was probably rimming and eating him out. Not that the other man wouldn't put 100% into everything he did to Stiles, but his rimming sessions were always so much more. This current one was already rendering the younger man into a panting, moaning and babbling mess.<br/>
<br/>
For a while he forced himself to watch Derek working between his legs, but it was getting too intense very soon to be able to keep his eyes open so he let them roll shut and fully laid back on the table top. His hands found the edges and held on tight while he tried to focus on keeping his ass as relaxed as possible so Derek could work his tongue deeper and deeper. The wet sucking sounds on his rim, the lapping of said skilled (and obviously tireless) tongue were so wonderfully dirty that Stiles' cock jumped happily against his flat stomach, smearing more pre-cum along his skin.<br/>
<br/>
He knew the wolf could smell and feel his thick desire, but Derek kept to his word and was going to kill Stiles with all the pleasurable sensations. His heart was already going haywire in his chest, his toes curled and uncurled time after time, muscles kept jumping in his limbs and abs as waves of <em>need</em> began washing through him, stirring up the yet unsettled magic around and in him. It trickled down onto Derek's hands and arms where he was keeping Stiles' legs open. It was trying to coax him to give more just as much as Stiles' cries of joy or the unwitting rocking against the wolf's swirling tongue.<br/>
<br/>
"D-Derek... More..." he panted, feeling so open and ready. "Fingers... too... please!"</p><p>There was the begging Derek has been waiting on, the magic trickling to his arms, as if it was wanting to enter him to get a move on. Of course he'd be far more in tune with Stiles' needs if they connected like that and it wasn't that he didn't want to, but it was too early.</p><p>"Not yet with your magic," Derek scolded, slapping a pale butt cheek since it was very close by and the wolf knew how to hit it without missing its mark. It probably wasn't going to keep that tingling electricity of magic at bay because Stiles loved to get spanked.<br/>
<br/>
That slap on his ass coaxed a breathy and very much turned on moan from Stiles, the following burning in his slightly redder cheek a very welcomed feeling. And yes, it did nothing to calm the magic. On the contrary, it wanted to flow over Derek more, but somehow Stiles found it in himself to hold it back. <em>Not yet</em>. It caused a unique kind of pleasure in him, the promise of how good it was going to be once he can let his powers go, making his whole body tremble for a few moments.<br/>
<br/>
"Can you give me the lube?" The plan had been to keep that close to him but he had no idea where on the table it was with Stiles spread out on it. Holding out his hand, the older man waited for the familiar shape of the lube to be placed in his hand so he could pour some on his fingers to warm the clear liquid between the digits. Spit wasn't the right lube to use, especially not with the thickness of his own fingers. They'd make it dry and uncomfortable because Stiles preferred not to be stretched completely, he wanted to feel some of the burn of entering.<br/>
<br/>
A slicked index finger pushed inside after feeling around, smearing some of the lube around the ring with that which made the penetration easier. The hole widened as the muscles relaxed more, letting in the one finger easily when it found the second ring of muscle, gaping for a moment in reflex and then tight heat when it closed around the finger. Moving it almost all the way out before pushing it back in, he added his middle finger as well, wishing he could see the way the body was accepting his fingers to prepare it for more. Not that it was sufficiently prepared for the Hale's girth yet.<br/>
<br/>
The whole process of Derek lubing up his fingers was kind of a blur to Stiles, but when the fingers started entering and stretching him, another throaty and somewhat relieved moan left his half-open mouth. It already felt so dry from all the panting and he attempted to wet them with a flick of his tongue. Frankly, it was an unconscious movement, because all his attention was now on the thick fingers rubbing so wonderfully against his tight walls, driving him crazier for more with each push and pull.<br/>
<br/>
Derek leaned back to where his mouth had been, licking the perineum and up to nose at the sensitive balls there.</p><p>His hips found the slow rhythm Derek was dictating and pushed back to meet each thrust and those maddening licks on that very sensitive patch of skin. Derek knew him all too well. How to melt and render him into a half-conscious, instinct-driven being at his mercy. Though it all was going faster than usual. Stiles wasn't sure if it was because they haven't been together like this for weeks, or perhaps the pull of the upcoming Full Moon (and seriously, why could he feel it now?)... or maybe both? He had no idea, but it didn't really matter in that moment when he was practically already riding Derek's fingers and face so wanton and shamelessly, trying to make him at least curl those damned fingers.<br/>
<br/>
"Curl them for... fuck's sake!" he whined, head bumping back against the hard surface of the table, knuckles turning white from the firm grip on the edges.</p><p>There was a fleeting smile at Stiles' bossiness. That would never change, no matter who was the top in their sexual escapades. Derek didn't have it in him that much to be a dominant in bed, he was because he knew his mate enjoyed him being one but being more submissive came easier, felt more natural and with Stiles often taking the lead like that, it felt comfortable for Derek as well. Not that the Hale would always listen to what the bossy human demanded of him, like now. They were already going faster than he had intended to, though that was mostly because doing it on a kitchen table didn't ask for slow love making.<br/>
<br/>
"I'm showing my love," Derek shushed against the heated skin, kissing the inside of a quivering thigh without curling his fingers as instructed. Instead he removed them and licked inside the loose hole, in and out with his tongue to add more spit to the mess of wetness. The taste of lube still wasn't great, no matter that they had purchased the edible kind but that was the same with that underwear you were supposed to be able to eat. It tasted like candy paper and that... well that wasn't anything the wolf had ever liked because it was a chemically flavored fiber. He was more into using whip cream or chocolate and anything edible if it comes to mingling the taste of sex with food items. Something they should do some day, so he could finally take his time licking his boyfriend for as long as he wanted to.<br/>
<br/>
"Showing your love... with curled fingers is even better..." Stiles mouthed back half-coherent from all the licking and teasing and the sounds of more lube being applied and then finally... <em>finally</em> the fingers rubbed against the spot where Stiles needed it the most.<br/>
<br/>
Adding some extra lube on his fingers while he was tonguing Stiles, not two but three fingers returned this time, and two of them curled to get at where Stiles wanted them. That fleshy nub inside which could create sparks of pleasures if done right. As if Derek was saying: <em>here you go, you demanding imp</em>. Derek loved it though, loved feeling through the state of the other body how close Stiles was to orgasm, the sounds he made, the scents surrounding them.</p><p>Stiles was burning for it and the sparks flew, indeed. So well in fact, that his whole body tensed and arched on the tabletop and one of his hands had to shoot down when he felt some clear fluid squirt onto his stomach as if Derek was milking him. Usually having such a mini-orgasm accompanied by the prostate fluid came after a few minutes of rubbing against that spot in him. But now it was too intense and too close to undoing him for good, so his long fingers had to clamp down on the base of his slick cock to stop himself from coming too soon.<br/>
<br/>
His desperate yell echoed through the loft and his wet ass clamped down hard around Derek's fingers. This was pure torture! Because he wanted more of this, but his body seemed to be too sensitive and responsive for its own good. Even more than usual. Not to mention the magic. It was more or less staying away from Derek, but it was sneaky and was getting closer to him when Stiles' control slipped. The air was warming up around him, as if his aura was about to catch on fire and the first amber veins and tendrils appeared over his shoulders.<br/>
<br/>
He didn't dare to ease up his grip around his cock as he was panting hard for air. "Please... stop for a sec... or not... dunno anymore..." he babbled, clearly fighting hard for some control over his body.</p><p>"Shhhh, it's okay, nothing bad is going to happen anymore." Stiles' magic felt like it was about to get out of control so Derek did stop, pulling out his fingers so Stiles was able to catch his breath. If it was the right thing to do, he had no idea either, because the magic seemed to want them to get together in all the ways possible instead of stopping. The air was full of magic though, maybe it disliked being denied from flowing over into Derek. Thing was, if he let it, there was no going back, they'd get overwhelmed quickly by the intensity. But, or so he reasoned, it would give Stiles some of his control back.<br/>
<br/>
Derek didn't need to see to know where it was, the magic, there was a warmth to it, pulsing to where it was close under his mate's skin and it was closer to the wolf than he had thought. Not for the first time he did wonder how sentient the energy really was. It certainly behaved like it had some sort of intelligence. Reaching for the warm skin with his fingers, he felt it react, felt it curl around his hand and wrist at the initial contact. And he allowed it to enter him to give Stiles the breather he needed.<br/>
<br/>
There was instant pleasure and he knew what it wanted but it needed to learn that Stiles was in control of it and not the other way around. Was this the backlash of summoning that much? It could be, it certainly acted as if it belonged with Derek as much as it did with Stiles and it wasn't as pushy anymore now that contact wasn't denied. It needed work. Stiles must have lost some of his control, which was understandable with everything that happened.<br/>
<br/>
Standing up, Derek felt his way to Stiles' lips so he could kiss him. "How does it feel now?"</p><p>"Bit better..." he sighed against Derek's lips. It was true. Some of the building pressure seemed to have eased a little bit once Derek let the magic to him. The second it entered the wolf through the offered arm, Stiles' skin broke out in goose bumps all over his body. It was a pleasurable feeling to him too and at the same time he could somehow think a bit clearer, his control a bit firmer over his body and powers.<br/>
<br/>
"It's the leftover portion from last night... The yet unsettled one," Stiles said as explanation. Because he could feel the difference between the vast amount of magic they were already storing – Stiles in his Spark and Derek in his werewolf body somehow. This was the excess, overflowing magic that neither of them was able to take last night because it was too much for both of them. This was what made Stiles skin glow for hours like ember marble after the spell. "It'll need a home in us."<br/>
<br/>
It was true. The druid couldn't just send it back to the Nemeton or wherever it might have come from. They'll have to make room for it in them. And what a better way to do that than during a mating?<br/>
<br/>
Stiles didn't say it but Derek knew what the magic meant. It was the Nemeton's magic, no wonder it felt so unruly. Technically it had no business with them but they couldn't exactly give it back either, it was too dangerous so they had to make sure it was going to behave. Each time they had made 'new' magic, it had needed time to settle with the Spark but they both hadn't been at their strongest so that's why it probably took a while longer. The mating would help or they were going to have to do the balancing ritual soon again. Either way, they were going to deal with it. Right now, they deserved to have their attention elsewhere.<br/>
<br/>
Stiles experimentally loosened his hold around his still rock-hard cock and slowly smeared some of the wetness down on it before he let it go. "I'm okay now. Please, continue..." he said and his free hand found Derek's hair by his nape and pulled him in into a proper kiss, not caring about the wetness of his beard, or how it tickled his chin. He wanted to taste himself on Derek's tongue. So he did exactly that, growling – yes growling! – low in his throat in satisfaction.</p><p>The thickness of his beard seemed to have a downside to it, with it getting dirty way easier but as long as Stiles wasn't complaining, Derek had no plans on shaving, it wasn't as if he could see it. The idea of having to offer his throat to a stranger for a haircut and a trim was way too much to think about right now, he'd rather offer throat to Stiles instead. Plundering the eager lips, he tested the sturdiness of the table by leaning on it with one knee. Nothing groaned in protest, nor table or mate.<br/>
<br/>
"How much prep do you need?" It wasn't that he didn't want to get back to what he had been doing but maybe it was time for the next step if Stiles was okay with that as well. “You feel wet enough." And that was no joke, Derek could smell the lube and spit, Stiles must be drenched down there because there had been some thorough preparing done. Maybe thorough enough and that's why the magic had been so impatient? It swirled inside of him, eager for more, eager for them to connect.</p><p>"Think I've got more prep than necessary since I nearly came!" Stiles chuckled, loving where this was going. He shamelessly feasted his now open eyes on the gorgeous man half-kneeling above him, cock thick and dark and glistening at the tip. He wanted that in him. Like yesterday! His whole body... no, his whole being was burning for it. He was also very happy that no triggers were stepped upon so far, because he'd have hated it if something ruined this between them.<br/>
<br/>
They had to reconnect on this level too. Balancing the magic and staying close together weren't enough to maintain healthy bonds for long. But besides all that, Stiles just craved Derek's touch and kisses and body and even more than all of those the moment their souls would merge. He was curious how that would go this time. It never happened with Derek having a full soul. And it was pretty fucking amazing and overwhelming even when he had only half of it. So Stiles was kinda trying to prepare himself for... he didn't know what. But he wanted it. The magic wanted it badly too. To find its vessels.<br/>
<br/>
His eyes were dimly glowing as he slid his hands down on Derek's back and down to his ass to squeeze the firm globes. Then he fumbled for the bottle of lube and squirted some into his palm, warming it up.</p><p>"I'm gonna slick you up and I really hope you want to finally bury yourself into me, because I'm quite literally burning up for it," he chuckled hoarsely and reached down to wrap his fingers around the wolf's proud cock, smearing the lube all over it with slow but thorough moves. "I miss you like crazy from me..." the younger man mouthed against Derek's throat then licked and lightly bit into his neck as motivation.</p><p>The bite to the neck garnered Stiles with a growl, playful and full of need because he wanted to bury himself within the human. He was achingly hard and wanted nothing more than to make love to this amazing man splayed out on the kitchen table.</p><p>"Do you know that's how the French say ‘I miss you’? The literal translation means 'I'm missing from you’." Leaning closer, Derek made sure he was close to the ear when tracing the shell with his lips. "<em>Tu me manques</em>."<br/>
<br/>
"No... I didn't know... But I like it," Stiles breathed, a shiver running down his spine as his cock throbbed too. If Derek turning him on with just telling the truth worked for him, then Derek speaking in foreign languages to him was doing an even better job.<br/>
<br/>
With those French words, Derek guided himself to the opened rim of his soulmate's body so he could slowly push into him all the way. He didn't stop until he was fully in Stiles and only then gave him the time to adjust. Derek wasn't good at pausing when it was just the tip, sometimes it was better to go all the way and let it all get used to the girth. He kissed Stiles' throat as he rested above him, leaning on his elbows.<br/>
<br/>
Stiles couldn't ponder too much on the new discovery about the foreign speaking Derek, because he was distracted by the thick cock finally pushing all the way in. The slight burn was like welcoming an old friend as he pushed against the hard length with a low moan. His head fell back onto the table, giving Derek the perfect opportunity to kiss the long column of his throat. And the stretch was... it was nearly too much yet so perfect. This was... this was nothing like any of the times during the wolf's heat. This was exactly what Stiles wanted and dreamed about and once or twice even jerked off to under the shower when Derek was unconscious from the potions and he couldn't take it anymore. And it was so much better too, because those times he was crying from not knowing if he was ever going to be able to get this thanks to the impending insanity.<br/>
<br/>
"I love you, Stiles." As if there was any doubt about it but Derek needed to say it and he was going to say it as often as he could because that was something he'd struggle with otherwise. It was so easy to get used to it being known to not say it at all anymore, as if a few times were enough. It never was. It had to be felt and shown and said. And this was his way of doing it all.</p><p>Now the human’s eyes welled up with tears of joy and he didn't even realize that until the first drops ran into his hairline from Derek's confession. It made his heart leap painfully strong in his chest and it also felt as if a dam just broke through inside of him. A dam that made him careful, which unwittingly shielded a part of his emotions from Derek even if otherwise he always tried to be open towards him through the bonds. He never tried to cut himself off, but this small part of him was shielded by instinct. Perhaps survival instinct. To keep something so close to his core just for himself, to be left with a part of him in case something bad happened. Like Derek going insane and Stiles being left alone for life with his unrequited feelings. Or something even worse.<br/>
<br/>
It was a close call, but that luckily wasn't the case. Because Derek just confessed his love and everything felt just so... <em>perfect</em> to Stiles that he couldn't keep the tears or his feelings in check anymore. He let them both flow freely as his arms held Derek tight and still in his body.</p><p>The moment Derek had pushed inside the warm body and held there, the magic acted even more unruly than it had before, as if it rejoiced with them. A victory because they were doing what it needed them to do, only, they were doing it because they wanted it and Derek felt himself grumble a little at the magic, which was... about as insane as his mind should be right about now. Grumbling towards magic as if it was a sentient being, a disobedient creature. Not a pet, he didn't want to call anything pet anymore ever again. No, wait, not thoughts he wanted to have at this very moment. Though it did help him to stay quietly there without moving.<br/>
<br/>
Stiles was quiet too, a mess of emotions and smelling of tears which confused Derek and at first he thought he had done something wrong. Had he entered too soon? Was it a flashback? The acid scent of panic wasn't there and though the heart was beating louder than it usually would, it wasn't in that alarming rate it had right before a panic attack. Lifting his head, he sniffed more pointedly and leaned in, feeling the wetness of tears on his beloved's cheeks. He felt happy though. Were these happy tears? Derek never had happy tears so he was unfamiliar with the notion. Concerned for Stiles' well-being, the wolf was confused by all the conflicting messages he got.<br/>
<br/>
"Stiles?" He was half-tempted to pull out but he didn't want to yet, unless Stiles would tell him to. It felt good, he wanted to move and make love instead of making his partner cry. It could be a trigger, because the heat had done a number on the human even though he barely had talked about it. For Derek it was already an accomplishment they could do this without him freaking out himself, without running to a shower because of the scents. But if this was too much for Stiles, he'd stop, immediately and without any regrets. This had to be a safe space for both of them. “I can't see you and it all feels very conflicting so I don't..."<br/>
<br/>
He didn't know if he should have moved already or not.</p><p>Stiles sniffed a few times and took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself and the magic down. "I'm good. I promise... I'm just so fucking happy," he chuckled wetly and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Sorry... Just too moved and relieved..." he confessed. It was true. It felt as if a huge weight was lifted off his chest and relief began spreading through him, seeping through the bonds too so Derek knew he was telling the truth.<br/>
<br/>
"I love you too, you know. So much. Was so scared I'd lose you forever," he whispered, for a moment daring to let Derek take a peek behind the strong facade he had to put on for so long to be there for Derek, to support, guide and help him through the worst while Stiles was terrified deep down.<br/>
<br/>
Oh good, so he had understood it right, it were happy tears. Relieved, Derek exhaled and kissed the water lines he found on the cheeks with his lips. They had come so close to losing everything and Derek knew he was going to feel that too, but right now his mind and body were still playing catch up with all that happened since it was only since yesterday that the wall was in place. He was maybe a little too pulled back emotionally, but that would settle. He knew it would, it was his way to deal when it was all too overwhelming. He had thought he was going to die, or was going to be stuck in a coma for the rest of his life. While Stiles, sweet beautiful Stiles, was all emotions right now.<br/>
<br/>
"You're okay. We're okay," Stiles sniffed and wiped off a few more tears again while caressing Derek's back as if he was still the one who needed consoling.<br/>
<br/>
His slender hands slipped around his wolf again and as if on cue, the magic wrapped around them too. For Stiles' eyes it looked like some golden fog with glowing ember bits floating around in it. The whole mass was lazily (nearly expectantly) swirling around them. Stiles could also feel how it was trying to reach and fire up his Spark more, wanting to become a part of it and the magic already within. A part of him kinda regretted that it was probably never going to be just them during their matings. That magic was always going to be a part of it too to some extent. But another part of him understood and accepted that too. They both were too entwined with these forces.<br/>
<br/>
The amber veins have spread along his arms and hands by then, warming them up to nearly the temperature of the werewolf as Stiles caressed Derek's ass then lightly dug his fingers into the firm cheeks, pulling them towards him.<br/>
<br/>
"Please, move. Make love to me..." he breathed, closing his shimmering eyes to give into his mate in submission.</p><p>"We're okay," Derek repeated to assure them both, his lips wet from his mate's tears. Moving a little, he made sure his body was settled right before he gave a slow and deep thrust with his hips. "I'm still here," he whispered with the next thrust, feeling how the skin of the other was heating up to match his own, the magic no doubt hovering all over the human like an eager lover. But this? This was all theirs and the magic was only a bystander, this wasn't something to share. Their love, their bodies, their togetherness.<br/>
<br/>
"You're not losing me."<br/>
<br/>
"I love you."<br/>
<br/>
"So much."</p><p>"You're my home."<br/>
<br/>
"My heart."</p><p>"My anchor."<br/>
<br/>
With each thrust the wolf whispered words of love in Stiles' ear, kissing the dried tears even though he could still taste the salt. His movements were slow and deliberate, angling it differently each time until he knew for sure he would brush against the prostate and kept that particular angle. "You're mine."</p><p>"Derek..."<br/>
<br/>
That's all Stiles could say verbally, but everything was in that one word. Relief, shock, love, amazement, desperation and need. He'd never heard or felt Derek like this. Never got <em>so much</em> attention, care and love from him. Both with the unbelievably moving words and that massive warmth flowing through their open bonds which Stiles knew was Derek's love for him. He'd felt it before, but it was... double the amount now... The difference between being loved by a mate with half a soul and a complete one was...<br/>
<br/>
Stiles Stilinski was out of words and was utterly speechless.<br/>
<br/>
So this time it was he who expressed his feelings and thoughts through touch and letting Derek feel his moved emotions. His cheeks were burning with a flush that spread down on his pale neck, painting the tip of his ears too while one of Stiles' hands held onto Derek's ass, the other to the back of his neck. Both served the purpose to keep his mate as close as possible while his own mind was completely blown away and he was only able to pant and moan and throw in the wolf's name over and over like a mantra.<br/>
<br/>
He was so lost in what his mate kept murmuring into his ear that the reactions and needs of his own body became secondary for a while. Not that his cock didn't keep rubbing and oozing pre-cum against Derek's stomach. Or that his welcoming ass didn't clench around him each time he hit that sweet spot deep inside.<br/>
<br/>
The pleasure was very much there just like the magic, but the front stage was their shared love's. It was overwhelming. It was moving. It was too much yet so very perfect that Stiles never wanted their mating to end.</p><p>Stiles was clinging to the muscular body of the wolf so tightly that no words were needed to express any feelings, they were bleeding into Derek perfectly like that. It was shown in the way his name was uttered over and over like a declaration of unbridled love. Derek had done that, he had made the human who never was able to shut up, not even in the face of death, speechless. With his words.<br/>
<br/>
This was how their joinings should be like. Of course he didn't mind experimenting and the rougher sessions but this? This was what mating was, filled to the brim with love, so much that their bodies weren't as important and that had been exactly what he wanted to show. Because he did love Stiles, half a soul, whole soul, he loved this infuriating bossy human. Nobody could press his buttons as much as this one did and nobody had been as into saving his life either. Also, nobody had been so insistent to be part of his life. Stiles had been, and still was, the one by his side no matter what. And though it had never been like this before, it seemed like the next logical step to take between them. So here, in their loft where they were going to live together, on the kitchen table Derek had made himself out of old wood, they were finalizing what was always going to be part of them.<br/>
<br/>
Love.<br/>
<br/>
His thrusts intensified, because as much as he wanted this to keep going forever, he also wanted them to get there together. Which wasn't easily reached. One would usually follow the other but their bodies were certainly getting ready for the ending.</p><p>Stiles' fingers were soon digging deep into Derek's back, his lower-half meeting each faster and more intense trust as he was getting on with the program of building the sexual tension between them nearly unbearable. He too needed that release badly. He wanted to melt body and soul into Derek like never before. Because he knew this was new, that this was much more intense already than it has been before. Because Derek was whole, not just a half-being feeding off Stiles' energies and emotions.<br/>
<br/>
What really made the emissary speechless was the fact that now... now he didn't feel mostly just the reflection of his own feelings. Now he could feel Derek's and his love was warm. Warmer than anything he'd ever felt. And so beautiful that it nearly made him cry again, but the harder trusts and the need to moan his head off were nice distractions from that.<br/>
<br/>
As he took a glimpse down between them, he groaned nearly feral from the sight of Derek's glistening thickness ramming into him over and over. The feeling was mind-blowing too. His loose yet still tight ass was so welcoming and already pulsing around the massive shaft. Being filled over and over again so full only added to Stiles' dazed state. Along with making love to him, his mate once again managed to up the stake. Because next to the soft side of things now Derek was fucking him for real too and Stiles couldn't shut himself up. Neither did he want to. His pleasure-filled moans kept echoing in the loft as he reached down with one hand to fondle his own heavy balls.<br/>
<br/>
"You... you can knot me if you want..." he finally managed to moan, nearly completely lost in the pleasures Derek was giving his glistening and glowing body, the magic flowing freely between them by then, becoming one with their shared one.</p><p>"Not yet, maybe next time. Maybe." It was too soon for that, knowing that the rut had only contained that and as amazing as it felt to not have to hold back, it wasn't what Derek wanted. This was going so well between them and he wanted to keep it like that. There was no need to knot, it was something special, something that intensified it but it was all so intense already.<br/>
<br/>
Each time he pushed inside of the tight heat, he thought that was it, now he was going to come because there was no way he was going to be able to keep doing this and not explode. His breathing was more like panting, sometimes he forgot to breathe entirely, he needed to see Stiles, he needed to see that face as it was going to feel the orgasm. It took some concentration from him to be able to blink and let his eyes bleed red. Sight was different like this, different colors, different depth but he could see. There he was. There was Stiles.<br/>
<br/>
Giving him an intense look, Derek knew he wasn't going to last much longer because it was impossible to keep going. Not when he could see that beautiful face staring up at him, pale and sleep-deprived. The stress had left its marks on both of them but to the alpha, the human couldn't look better.</p><p>"Stiles," he moaned breathlessly, feeling his body getting there so he reached between them for that hard and leaking shaft. It wasn't a good angle to do much, besides rubbing his thumb over the weeping exposed head. "Stiles, come for me."</p><p>And that's exactly what he did just before he put a hand on Derek's bearded cheek, realizing from the red alpha eyes and the way he moaned his name that the wolf saw him. For the first time since he had blinded himself in order to protect his mate from accidents like when he slashed his arm open with the claws. Tears welled up in the young mage's eyes again from that realization and as he caressed the glistening cheek, his body arched from the nearly too much touch on his painfully hard cock.<br/>
<br/>
The next moment he gasped for air and had to force himself to keep his eyes open as his whole being felt like falling and floating at the same time. The blinding orgasm blurred the edges of his vision, only the red eyes of his wolf stayed in focus. Yelling his pleasure over and over again, Stiles’ ass clamped down hard on the ramming cock to coax out every drop of what was <em>his</em>... His other hand left a quickly healing scratch on his man's back while he fucked up into that grip, messing up the fingers and their stomachs with spurt after spurt of thick come.<br/>
<br/>
It seemed as if this was what the magic was really waiting for because it slammed into both of them at the same time, washing over them in waves like a never-ending ocean, lifting them higher and higher in their shared pleasure. Stiles didn't even realize that he was sobbing from happiness, because his soul... his soul really met Derek's for the first time and it was indescribably intense and beautiful and moving as the two <em>whole</em> souls became one, poring warmth and light into every cell, every pore, the feeling of being one and belonging together wiping everything else away.</p><p>Derek wasn't even sure when he had reached orgasm because the magic had rushed over him before that and it became this wave of intense pleasure shaking him to the core. He was pretty sure he came, his body was shivering and he felt a wetness surrounding his slowly softening cock but that were the only signs because his entire body was tingling. Everything felt like it had been geared up for the grand finale and now all his muscles had deflated like a balloon.<br/>
<br/>
Derek shivered from pleasure, hairs on his arms standing on end as he made sure to keep some of his weight off his mate by still leaning on his elbows. Last thing he wanted was for them to end up on the floor because the table broke. Huffing against the arched neck, he didn't move, the magic was still all around them, gleefully making its way home wherever it could, in Derek or Stiles. It didn't seem particularly picky at the moment.<br/>
<br/>
Seriously, if sex was even going to get better than this, they were going to have problems leaving the bed. Each time they joined it was more intense than previous times and it seemed like it might fry his brain if it got even better. Forever ruined, that was for sure. Nothing was going to compare to this, to them together. Nothing.</p><p>Similar thoughts were rattling and floating around in Stiles' foggy mind too as he was fighting to fill his lungs with air. At some point he had to arch his head back and closed his eyes, but it didn't matter because he could still see the alpha red dancing in front of him, like a mysterious specter. But for Stiles it didn't mean danger. For him it meant safety and home. The hardships of the last time he saw Derek's other eyes during the rut seemed like a distant, half-forgotten memory and he praised the Universe for allowing him not to get triggered by anything they did today. That their souls could finally fully entwine.<br/>
<br/>
The bonds... the bonds were different, he realized with his eyes still closed as he was holding onto Derek as if he was afraid to let go. It felt like the danger of getting lost in all their swirling emotions and magic was real. Either way, his inner-eye was admiring the bonds. While Derek had only half of his soul, it was mostly Stiles' magic and side of the bond that wrapped around their cores. Now... now the golden mate bond was equally twined around both their merged souls, the amber emissary bond entwining along the different colored glowing threads.<br/>
<br/>
Shimmering amber eyes opened and saw them both glowing surrounded by the much calmer and 'content' magic, pulsing with their shared heartbeat as their sweaty bodies stilled, still joined just like their souls. Obviously neither of them wanted to move or break the spell that fell upon them.<br/>
<br/>
Stiles only moved enough to pull Derek's head closer by his nape (no idea when his hand got there in the first place) and whispered onto his lips. "My mate... my world... my soul... my love... my home." And with that he softly kissed his wolf.</p><p>Of course Derek was already a man of few words but right now he barely knew how to form them in his head, let alone how to let his mouth do the talking. Instead he was content to simply lay there and bask in the togetherness of them joined like this. His cock had softened but because of lack of movement, it hadn't slipped out yet, keeping their bodies as connected as their souls were.<br/>
<br/>
It had worried him, the connection they shared because it could harm Stiles if they were linked like this, yet the wall seemed to hold even for that. Honestly, he wasn't ready for the human to experience what Derek had in Hell. It was bad enough one of them was this broken, he wanted to protect the other from it as much as he could and for as long as he could. The wall protected both of them, and would buy them the time needed before it would crumble over the years. That's what he was warned about, that the wall was going to crumble eventually.<br/>
<br/>
Breathing against the soft lips, Derek closed his eyes, letting the red fade away to welcome back the darkness. He didn't want to get used to using them unless he was wearing sunglasses, which would limit the risk of exposure. He knew it's why Deucalion had worn them as well, to be able to see with his alpha eyes.</p><p>"Yours," Derek agreed, seemingly a mantra they used without realizing it, where they would agree to mutual ownership. "Always yours."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 12: In Waves - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>12: In Waves – Part 2</strong>
</p><p>In contrast with the successful first real mating and the happiness and contentedness that had brought to the mates, of course shit had to hit the fan again. They didn't seem to have time to get a break. Which wasn't really news to Stiles, but it didn't mean that it was going to make things easier.<br/><br/>In a few days he was coming home from an early catch up and training session with Deaton. Stiles wasn't that surprised to see Morrell at the clinic too. She seemed to have a kinda creepy and unhealthy curiosity and fascination with him now, which made the young druid a bit uneasy and weary around her. But he didn't object or sent her away so she stayed to observe. His control over the magic was getting a bit better with each training session and to Stiles' request they were focused on learning healing spells and methods, because it was them and they were living in Beacon Hills where things could and usually did go south after a while.<br/><br/>He was excited to get back to the loft and tell Derek all about what he'd learned that day and how Beth and his dad were because he made a quick visit to the house too, but once he arrived back to the loft, he immediately felt the disturbance in his mate. Well, he did kinda feel it all morning too, but he had to focus on his training and Deaton had warned that it wasn't going to be easy.<br/><br/>Still, when he exited the elevator in the loft, his worries grew as he went to search for Derek whom he couldn't see, but knew that he was home.</p><p>It was silly for Derek to think that this magical wall would make everything all okay. They had been warned about it and yet when he had woken up and he had made love to Stiles, it had seemed like they had gotten a break. After everything, they had deserved that much. But it wasn't that easy, it never was. It had been a respite, a day of peacefulness.<br/><br/>It had started with nightmares or more like night terrors. Violent flashes of memories which left him reeling, which in turn influenced Stiles as well. The Hale would wake up in a cold sweat and flee to the showers to frantically scrub himself clean even though he knew it was all in his head. And not even Stiles' assurances that he wasn't covered in blood or gore would let him believe it until the shower had rinsed his skin clean. Which was fine, it was doable for them. But this late morning, it had been mortifying. Waking up alone, scream stuck in his throat, the bed empty and cold. It took a moment to realize the reason why he had been cold.</p><p>It was because he had lost control of his bladder and he was lying in it. Angry at himself for being like that, he had attempted to clean up the mess by removing the sheets and cleaning up the special tarp that had been around the mattress. Halfway through, he had to stop, had to take a shower, had to get clean.<br/><br/>Scrubbing himself bloodied, letting the water rinse away all the evidence, Derek had retreated in the corner of the shower and had stayed there. Folded up, letting the water run cold but even then he hadn't moved.<br/><br/>Filthy, he was filthy.<br/><br/>He wasn't allowed to move, he had to stay there as time ticked away, the water freezing. It's what he deserved.<br/><br/><em>Filthy, dirty mongrel.</em></p><p>Stiles heard the water running in the bathroom so he waited for a minute or two just standing in the living room, staring at the bared bed. When he didn't hear any movement and his chest got tighter from what he was feeling coming from Derek, he sighed quietly and walked inside. He spotted the curled up naked man immediately and he had to swallow hard, trying to remain calm.<br/><br/>"Derek..." he said softly, both to announce his arrival in case he didn't hear it because of being too lost in his own head, and to draw his attention to him. Stiles closed the tap to make the water stop. Sadly he knew that expression well. Derek was dealing with memories of Hell again...<br/><br/>"It's okay, I'm here. Let me help you," he said, picking up Derek's towel to put it around his shoulders as Stiles crouched in front of him, rubbing the towel over the wet hair, shoulders and back. "You're safe now. Those are just memories. I'm here with you," he repeated.<br/><br/>It was never going to be easier to see Derek like this and sometimes Stiles felt like it was so unfair that they both had to deal with this, that this extra burden was put on their shoulders too besides all the other things they had to deal with. But life was cruel and this was something they couldn't wipe out of theirs. They did as much as they could with the wall, the rest they had to deal with one step at a time.<br/><br/>"There's no blood. You're clean. The water washed it all away," he said like a mantra, trying to make Derek believe it too. It sometimes worked. He hoped it was going to be such a time now too.</p><p>Derek was cold, no scratch that, he was freezing so when the water was shut off, and a towel started drying him off, he leaned into it, too out of it to really protest. Derek didn't know he had been under the cold water for hours but his body sure knew. Shivering, he allowed for the human to help him up, to get out of the bathroom but the smell of the soiled bedding made him angry again.<br/><br/>"I can dry myself," he snapped, taking the towel. The wolf wasn't angry with Stiles, this was about his shame, about the fact he was a useless mate to the other. "You're already forced to do everything." Roughly patting himself down with the towel, Derek, reached for some of the clothes Stiles had piled up to make it easier for him. Anything warm would be great right now so he chose a thick sweater and sweatpants.<br/><br/>"I tried to clean the bed... I'll... put the sheets in the washer." They had been clean sheets, he knew that, so he could understand his mate's puzzlement, he didn't need to see the human's face to know the look on it. "I soiled the bed, okay? That's how stupid I am, that's what you're stuck with now." He couldn't even keep his bladder in control.</p><p>Stiles tried really hard not to feel a bit hurt from the way Derek snapped and took the towel. He knew it wasn't because of him, but feeling his mate so angry and disgusted with himself was hard on the human too, because he wanted to help, but didn't always know how. Sometimes Derek outright didn't let him help. Which was frustrating and depressing in itself.<br/><br/>"It's okay, Derek. It happens. I did that a lot after the trauma of my mother's death. So I understand," he said on a soft tone. "You're not stupid. You've gone through an even bigger trauma and you are just starting to work through that. Try to be patient with yourself. Please." It wasn't the first time Stiles asked that from Derek, but he'd repeat it as many times as it was needed for it to get through that thick stubborn skull of his mate.<br/><br/>He tried his best to be understanding and patient as well. This situation they were in was far from easy, but he wasn't going to leave Derek to deal with this alone. He was his soulmate. Of course he was going to be around and help as much as he can.<br/><br/>"While you put that in the washer, I'll get a fresh sheet," he said, heading towards the drawer. It was easier that way to deal with the numbing feeling of uselessness he often felt when he couldn't help on Derek. And that feeling only got amplified since Derek was feeling like that on his own too. Not to mention the growing tenseness and anger in him. It felt like an invisible hand started gripping Stiles' throat and he stopped in his tracks to go back to Derek and touch his shoulder in an attempt to ease those feelings and help ground his mate by his touch.</p><p>Derek didn't point out that Stiles had been a child when his mother died and that didn't compare to a full adult having that same problem. It was more allowed for kids to have accidents like that but adults? Nor was the whole 'a lot' saying helpful, if it meant he was going to do this more than once. Which was very likely since he knew it had happened from pure fear, not because he had been dreaming about having to go. It wasn't a bigger trauma, angry that Stiles would even think that losing his mother at eight years old wasn't as big a trauma. Traumas shouldn't be scaled on how bad they were and he wasn't going to feel special just because he had been tortured, didn't give him more rights or less rights.<br/><br/>Patience... yeah, he heard that before. But Stiles wasn't the one peeing the bed or hiding in the shower. Stiles was the one stuck with Derek, cleaning after him, helping him bathe, put clothes out, cook for him, dealing with his freak outs and nightmares. He was bonded to a complete failure and they both knew it. When a hand touched his shoulder without telling him beforehand, he flinched away, violently sidestepping so the hand fell away.</p><p>"Don't touch me." He didn't want to be touched right now, when he had his arms full with soiled sheets, when he felt like he wasn't worth anything.<br/><br/>"And I'll make the bed myself. It was my mistake. You don't have to keep doing all that for me. I know you're only staying with me because you'll die otherwise, but that doesn't mean you have to be my servant."</p><p>Blood rushed out of Stiles face and suddenly it felt as if all of it went into his ears which began buzzing as heat made the back of his neck tingle and burn up right where the alpha claiming bite was. He stared at Derek more silent and motionless than ever before. It wasn't from pulling away from his touch – which was painful in itself – or being called Derek's 'servant'. It was because of one part of a sentence that kept ringing in his buzzing ears.</p><p><em>‘I know you're only staying with me because you'll die otherwise…’<br/></em><br/>He <em>knew</em> Derek's emotions were all over the place and that he was upset, but knowing that didn't stop Stiles' heart from skipping a beat before sinking to what felt like to his feet. He immediately felt himself closing up from Derek for the first time since they had mated as an unimaginable amount of emotional pain flared up inside his suddenly too tight chest.<br/><br/>How could he say something like that after <em>everything</em> he had done for Derek?!<br/><br/>It was the second time during that week that Derek left him speechless, but this time it wasn't the good kind of speechless. No, it was the painful kind. And although it seriously hurt him and his suddenly restless magic to shut himself off from his mate, it didn't compare to the damage those untrue words had caused in him. His eyes welled up, but he firmly stomped down on the burning in them and didn't allow himself to cry in front of the other man.</p><p><em>‘I know you're only staying with me because you'll die otherwise…’<br/></em><br/>Did everything he had done for Derek... for them mean so little? So little that Derek believed what he just said? It felt like he believed what he was saying and that was the real stab into Stiles' heart because he's been working <em>so very hard</em> to make things work between them, to save Derek, to make him believe and feel just how much Stiles loved him. And all that... was all that in vain?<br/><br/>He needed air. Right now. Before he lost control over himself and the magic. The aching in his chest only intensified from being cut off from his mate, but he kept the bonds closed, no matter how painful it was, because <em>even now</em> when his supposed soulmate had stabbed him like that, Stiles didn't want to let him feel just how much his words had hurt him. Derek was in enough pain of his own. A screaming match wouldn't help anything.<br/><br/>"Right... I'm going for a ride," he announced on a grave voice and not waiting for an answer grabbed his leather-jacket from the back of the couch and slammed the heavy door of the loft closed behind him to head for the elevator outside.</p><p>The moment the door was pulled shut with a loud clang, Derek flinched at the sound, standing there frozen while Stiles rushed away. He couldn't even feel him anymore, he was completely closed off from the wolf, bond blocked. Not that he needed the bond to know he had hurt the younger man because that's what he was impeccable at, hitting right where it would hurt to push others away. Inhaling sharply at his own distress, because he wasn't allowed to feel anything anymore, he didn't deserve feeling sorry for himself, he slowly made his way to the bathroom.<br/><br/>Like a zombie, he felt for the detergent to get the sheets washed, using the alpha eyes to see what program to use. After that came making the bed after washing the tarp-like cover on the mattress with a cloth and soap. He should do more, he thought as he uselessly wandered around the loft, right after came the familiar thought of why even bother? Why should he bother with anything when it was going to be taken away? Stiles wasn't going to come back. Why should he? There was nothing left for Stiles here, only a spiteful mate who couldn't even keep his mouth shut even though he was so good at not talking.<br/><br/>His wandering was more the walk of a caged animal, restlessly prowling back and forth as his breathing intensified, along with his utter hate for himself. Stiles didn't deserve this, never had deserved this, could have done so much better. Instead he chose Derek, chose to move back to Beacon Hills and give up everything for him and this was how he was treated? <em>Stupid, stupid... stupid!</em><br/><br/>Panting in rage, the Hale whirled around to hit the closest wall with his fist, punching a hole in it easily. It wasn't satisfying, it didn't even break his skin. Idiot, he couldn't even punish himself. Instead he went for one of the iron columns so he could punch it repeatedly, over and over until bones snapped and skin split, until his blood ran in rivulets down his wrists. Still, he kept going, the roaring of his rage rushing through his body blocked out by this inhuman sound taking up the entire loft and he didn't even know it was his own misery until his knees gave out and the sound stuttered.</p><p>***</p><p>Thanks to some miracle, Stiles didn't break down or got into a car accident during his seemingly aimless drive. He realized only when he turned onto the dirt road that led to the preserve that his drive wasn't as aimless as he first thought. His control was slipping fast and he needed to get away from people before he completely lost it. By the time he parked the Jeep, his veins were glowing bright, once more giving the impression of those cracks on his skin as if he was about to explode from the inside out.<br/><br/>His vision was blurring from the pounding of the magic in his head and whole being. His body was trembling by the time he stumbled out of the Jeep and headed deeper into the forest. He stumbled a few times as the first sobs tore out of his panting mouth, eyes unseeing from the tears he couldn't hold back anymore. Everything felt <em>so wrong</em>. The world around him, the air he breathed in (which smelled like fire to him somehow), the burning of his claim mark on the back of his neck, the rattling sounds of his panicking breathing, the wobbling of the ground beneath his unsteady feet and the magic itself. It was burning and menacing, as if blaming him for being nearly completely cut off from Derek. It was pushing hard against Stiles, wanting access to the rest of it which was stored in Derek, but Stiles firmly kept the bonds closed.</p><p><em>‘I know you're only staying with me because you'll die otherwise…’<br/></em><br/>The pain flared up in his tightening chest again and he felt like suffocating from it and from the lack of air in his lungs. He didn't know where he was going, couldn't see a thing from his tears and the pain that tore into his trembling and burning up body, which felt way too tight for him all of a sudden. The magic was expanding and pushing at him from the inside out too – making his eyes and veins glow brightly in the shady forest.<br/><br/>When his shoulder hit the bark of a tree hard (possibly cracking the bones in it), he barely felt the physical pain. Instead he grabbed onto the tree and with violent heaves emptied the content of his stomach right next to it. More tears dropped into the messed up grass from his eyes as he felt so disgusted with himself, so useless and weak and <em>so not enough</em>. No matter how hard he tries, he'll never be enough for Derek or for anyone. Ever!<br/><br/>He didn't notice how the wind picked up in the forest or how suddenly dark clouds gathered overhead. The trees' mostly bare branches knocked together loudly as the wind swirled and howled while Stiles pushed on, going further into the woods once he wiped his mouth and nose with the back of his hand.</p><p><em>‘I know…’<br/></em><br/>Stiles stumbled and he fell onto his hands and knees.</p><p><em>‘… you're only staying with me…’<br/></em><br/>His violently trembling and glowing hands went into his hair, pulling at it as the throbbing and the pressure intensified along with the volume of Derek's echoing voice in his mind.<br/><br/><em>'…because you'll die otherwise…’<br/></em><br/>In that moment he <em>wanted</em> to die. To make this all stop. To make Derek stop repeating it!<br/><br/>"MAKE IT STOP!!!" his roar echoed through the woods just before a lightning struck a tree not far from him and the loud sound of it suppressed his scream.<br/><br/>And that's when for a moment everything stopped in the forest in anticipation as a heavy momentary silence fell onto it. The tension reached its peak and suddenly Stiles screamed at the sky when the magic exploded out of him in a fiery wave like never before, the unstable outburst burning up and killing everything around him in a thirty feet radius.</p><p>***</p><p>Panting against the iron beam, Derek leaned his head against it, the coolness of the metal doing nothing for the aching in his head. His hands had healed already, the skin effortlessly closed over bones which were no longer broken and only the blood reminded him of the injuries sustained. Not even a phantom pain lingering in his hands, as if it never had been there. It was the curse of a werewolf when pain was the one anchor left and it was only so brief, a fleeting moment and not much of a relief at all.<br/><br/>He wanted to feel his mate, wanted to reach out through the bond to at least tug at it and make sure Stiles is even there. He would feel it, if his mate were to die, even with a bond closed off from him, of that he was certain. He'd feel it if part of his heart was ripped away from him. Death wouldn't be instant, their bond had time to settle but it would be something he'd long for. Already the wolf felt bereft from the warmth the part of Stiles brings within their bond. A part of him was missing and the magic within him sensed the way was shut because it pressed at him from inside. It left this uncomfortable pressure aching behind the breastplate. Though it could also be the ache from harming his own mate and the knowledge he's out there somewhere, upset and alone without Derek.<br/><br/><em>Wasn’t that the point? </em>A voice asked him nastily, sounding suspiciously like Lucifer.<br/><br/>A sob choked him, no, it shouldn't be the point at all and yet he couldn't help himself, falling back into old behavior simply because his own mind didn't make much sense at times and his feelings were all over the place. So disgusted with himself that it was easier to push away the one person who loved all there was about him, even all those deep, dark and broken corners. So broken that it was easier to break that one person and make him hurt instead of clinging to that overwhelming love until it was nothing but a fragile thing fluttering between them in a thin golden thread of despair. And instead of fighting for it like it was something precious, he was here on the ground alone, not fighting at all. Stiles deserved better than him. So much better but there had been truth to his words. Without Derek, Stiles would wither and die, so instead of deserving better, he was stuck with what he had. Which wasn't much at all right now.<br/><br/><em>You’re nothing.</em></p><p>Fighting the hopelessness threatening to overwhelm him, Derek closed his eyes to steady his breath. And that's when he felt it. Not so much as heard it. This intense shock running through the ground, into the building, vibrating around him in an echo of a soundless explosion. <em>Stiles</em>. He knew it was Stiles and he knew, even without the access to the bond, that his mate was in trouble. Not even hesitating, he scrambled up, to find his car keys only to pause. No, he couldn't drive like this, not even with his alpha eyes, because the sight was too different to not cause trouble. He'd run, he'd walk, crawl if he had to. Stiles needed him.<br/><br/>Once he was downstairs, the Hale found himself on his knees again, this time for a different reason as he scuffed his knees and ruined his jeans with the violence in which he had thrown himself down. The emotions which overwhelmed him weren't his own, they were Stiles', the bond was opened. It was too much too fast. One burning emotion standing out above all other: the desire to die!<br/><br/><em>Oh no, oh no!</em> What had Stiles done? There was no time, he had to reach his mate and his blindness was definitely in the way right now. As was his human body. Shedding what he was wearing by ripping them apart, the shift was upon him rapidly with the ferociousness of the wolf he now was. Derek needed it, needed the strength of the nose, the sight of the red eyes, the strength of the body.<br/><br/>A lone howl echoed in the air, the wolf sprinting off to find his mate. Stiles needed him. Nothing else mattered anymore.</p><p>***</p><p>
  
</p><p>The distant chirping of birds was the first thing he heard as he was slowly regaining consciousness. He had no idea what happened or where he was. He had to open his eyes to at least figure out the latter. But he didn't do it for another minute or so, knowing that it was probably going to be a bad experience. And he was right. The second he cracked his burning eyes open, the light felt as if it cut into his brain, even though the curtains in the room were closed. It seemed like the pain in his head and body waited only for that to flare up, causing a displeased groan from Stiles.<br/><br/>Lifting his right hand to shield his eyes proved to be a bad move too, because more pain rushed down on his whole arm, seemingly originating from his shoulder. <em>What the hell?</em> He decided to first catalogue and carefully move his other limbs to see the extent of the damage he had somehow sustained. His legs were fine aside from feeling like each weighted a ton. The other arm was okay too, so this time he shielded his eyes with that hand and carefully opened them to focus on the room he was in.<br/><br/>His brain was struggling to connect the dots and give him the memories how he had gotten to the guest bedroom of Deaton's house. He'd recognize that ugly shade of green on the walls from anywhere. He's been here before with Derek when they had spent the night over after an intense practice session which left them both too high to drive home.<br/><br/><em>Derek</em>… Where was Derek?<br/><br/>As a few fragments of what had happened flashed up in front of his eyes, Stiles' heart began beating heavily in his chest. He tried to sit up, but the pain in his shoulder intensified and he just realized that there was a needle in his still slightly glowing arm, connected to an IV. The twisted map of amber veins was still faintly visible all over him.<br/><br/>Just then, as if on cue to his painful grunt, the door opened and Deaton walked in with a small tray which had some pills, an herb concoction and a tall glass of water on it.<br/><br/>"Welcome back, Stiles."<br/><br/>"Doc... What happened? Where's Derek?" he asked right away. He could feel his mate through the bonds, but he had trouble focusing yet.<br/><br/>"You don't remember?" the druid asked as he put the tray down on the nightstand and reached out to press his fingers against Stiles' pulse point on his wrist and looked at his watch while counting.<br/><br/>"No, not really... everything's too fuzzy and messed up in my head..." he said, not liking the fact that focusing was not happening in his mind either.<br/><br/>"That's no wonder. You lost control over the magic and nearly died," Deaton said on a calm and low voice as if sensing that talking louder would hurt the other druid's ears. Which was probably a right guess because Stiles’ head was already pounding enough so he kinda felt grateful for that.<br/><br/>"What?" Stiles' eyes widened for a split second and he tried to sit up again just to fall back on the pillow with a hiss when his shoulder protested vehemently. He also didn't miss the fact that Deaton avoided answering him regarding Derek's whereabouts.</p><p>"You nearly died," Deaton repeated calmly, ready to push Stiles back on the bed if he was dumb enough to try sitting up again but he seemed to have learned his lesson after two tries. "You've been out of it for three days. Your father has been here daily to check up on how you were doing." And demanding a hospital even though they would do the same as the veterinarian had been doing: fluids and medicine. A broken collarbone couldn't be set, it would need a sling to heal.<br/><br/>"Derek is over there. He hasn't left your side." There was a nod to the corner where a large black wolf was curled up, sleeping for a change. After three days, it was about time. Perhaps the wolf had felt Stiles was going to wake up and finally gave into the body's demands. Well, it had certainly been aided by a little something extra in the water bowl.</p><p>"I don't know what had happened. Derek hasn't been exactly forthcoming in this form." Perhaps why the Hale had chosen to remain in wolf form in the first place, so he didn't have to talk because he had been behaving like a kicked puppy. So Alan had some ideas about what had happened. Not that it was any of his business, except a druid out of control was even more dangerous than an alpha on the loose.<br/><br/>"He brought you here on his back, smelling like death." Of course the older druid had visited the place of origin. Trees had been torn out or had died, plants blackened, grass and moss browned and yellow, animals perished as if the life had been sucked right out of them. There was a large blackened circle which had stumped the authorities as Noah wisely kept his mouth shut about it. It was hard to imagine that someone like Stiles had been capable of that kind of destruction but magic came with a price. When one wished for death, it would always come, simply not in the shape desired.<br/><br/>"You're completely depleted and I didn't risk the balancing ritual with Derek without you aware in case you'd accidentally take what you needed from the wall in his mind." The man sighed, because it was all tragic and completely stupid, which was honestly not surprising when Derek was involved. "It would seem the two of you will be my guests for a time until you're well enough."</p><p>For a change Stiles remained silent, his eyes glued to the form of the sleeping black wolf as he was trying to piece things together in his head from the little information Alan had shared with him.<br/><br/><em>'I know you're only staying…’<br/></em><br/>Fragments of memories flashed in front of Stiles and his eyes suddenly widened then filled with an amount of sadness which was a rare look on the seemingly always cheery and positive young man. His breath caught in his chest and he had to remind himself to exhale and inhale repeatedly to stay calm. The glowing of his veins intensified for a brief moment before he regained control over his slowly clearing up mind. But a part of him wished it didn't happen.<br/><br/>"I... remember. We got into a fight," he finally said to Deaton.</p><p><em>‘…because you'll die otherwise…’<br/></em><br/>Stiles swallowed hard and let his eyes drift away from the alpha's sleeping form. The memories and emotional pain seemed to stir up the physical one even more because all of a sudden everything just hurt in him. He remembered what caused it, how he got to the forest... but most of all he remembered the powerful outburst of the magic. How it painfully tore through his body and yet made him drunk on the huge amount of it. He felt like dying but at the same time more powerful and power-drunk than ever before – even if only for a few seconds before the world went blissfully dark on him and he fainted from the strain.<br/><br/>Is this how Jennifer had felt after the betrayal of her alpha? Is that how it feels being at the brink of becoming a darach, a dark druid? He definitely understood a bit better now how she must have felt, because that power surge was... addictive. Well, he might get it better now, but of course he wasn't going to change his opinion about that woman or feel sympathy for her. After all, she nearly killed his father, used Derek and she was the cause why Stiles had an unbreakable bond to the Nemeton and why he later got possessed by the Nogitsune thanks to the lingering darkness of that bond. Why the blood and death of so many were on his hands and soul – even if he was forced by the fox spirit. That woman... she only brought death and destruction with her during her vendetta.<br/><br/>As tempting as the power may be, Stiles didn't want to become like her. Even if what had happened had taught him that the possibility was very much there. He had the distant feeling that he was close to tapping into the lay lines again. Curiously not into the Nemeton, though. Did the ancient tree 'feel' that he was more of a danger than protector in those moments? It shouldn't matter to it, right? Like when it didn't matter to what Jennifer wanted to use its power for with the blood sacrifices. The tree accepted those and Jennifer also used the lines and Derek to amplify her powers.<br/><br/>His dark thoughts were interrupted by Deaton finally moving again. Until now it seemed he was wisely silent and frozen to the spot to let Stiles regain control over his body and mind. He would've disliked having to inject his "apprentice" again with a tranquilizer – which had happened twice during the past three days.<br/><br/>"That's very unfortunate. It had to be... bad if it managed to destabilize the magic and your anchor this much," Deaton frowned as he offered the small plastic cup of pills and the water to Stiles, who reluctantly took them because the cup reminded him too much of Eichen House when he was locked in there and had to take his meds like that. "It's for the ADHD and headache. The herbal concoction for the pains in your body."</p><p>"Yeah... and thanks," he said a bit hoarsely as he tossed the pills back and carefully drank from the water to help their way down and to wet his dry mouth. It also explained to Stiles why Derek stayed in wolf form and why he was in pain and not healed yet. Was Derek too... ashamed to turn back and pull his pain away? Stiles wasn't sure if the pain pulling worked in wolf form. <em>Well, either way, thanks a lot Derek. The ‘mate of the year’ reward isn’t going to go to you, </em>Stiles thought while he drank the rest of the water and forced the concoction down his throat too with the help of the vet. It wasn't as bad as he expected. It left a minty aftertaste in his mouth.</p><p>"No problem," Deaton answered with a glance to Derek, as if he was saying, <em>'You picked that, dumbass</em>.' Alan wouldn't place Derek in a position of power if he had a say about it, because the Hale was too broken for it and incompetent. It was why he had chosen to back Scott instead of the other. Not that he'd ever deny help from Talia's offspring. Nor any other werewolf needing help. He had made a vow after all. But if these two were adamant on destroying each other, he might have to offer up other solutions. Such as them taking a break, which he had told Derek as much. They are able to be apart as long as the bond remains. Some time away might do them good instead of being the caretakers twenty four hours a day. That's all they had been doing lately.<br/><br/>"Shout if you need anything." The vet gave a small smile, taking the tray with him and closing the door behind him.</p><p>It only took a few minutes before Derek stirred, having been awake this entire time, aware of the deadly glares that had been sent his way, which he took without complaint. As well as the scathing remarks and lectures for the past three days.<br/><br/>There had been plenty of time to think, too much of it even. He'd sink inside his head and got lost there while keeping an eye on Stiles being so quiet in the bed. The loft needed to be made ready to move in so Beth and Derek could live there, give Stiles some space because maybe it had all went too fast, maybe he wanted some time with his dad without having to constantly care for a family. It was time for Derek to stop leaning on others like he had done in the last months. He had always done it by himself and he had gotten lazy. He could see if Beth would like to go to kindergarten a few times a week so the wolf could get some sleep when she was gone because there was no way he wanted her to witness his breakdowns.<br/><br/>Of course Derek hadn't known what Stiles would be feeling towards him, having this ridiculous hope that maybe it wasn't all lost between them. Until the younger man woke up and the emotions coming from him were anything but positive and he knew that break Deaton had talked about wasn't a bad idea. He had nearly killed Stiles, it's what he deserved and he accepted that. Stiles had been hurt enough. Derek wasn't going to make it any more difficult than it already was.<br/><br/>Quietly he shifted to his human form, the red eyes averted as he walked over to the bed, holding out the arm with the rune. Stiles needed the magic since his was depleted and Derek had plenty to give, he wasn't going to deny him this no matter what was going to happen between them. If love was so strong it could kill, it wasn't meant to be. Then their happiness would always be depending on the other. And he didn't want Stiles to die. He was too intense for the human right now, he wasn't good for him and his mate was never going to make that choice. So Derek had to.</p><p>Stiles just stared and stared at Derek in complete silence for a minute or two. Waiting. But nothing came from the wolf and it pissed him off more and more, the glowing of his veins and eyes intensifying, the soft sounds of clinking together glass starting in the room. Like months before in the animal clinic when he had trouble controlling his emotions. It was more dangerous now, though.<br/><br/>He stared at the slightly shimmering rune on Derek's offered forearm and couldn't help himself from feeling betrayed by the wolf. No apology. No declaration of undying love. No. Fucking. Words! Not a single one!<br/><br/>So he <em>meant</em> those words that kept haunting him ever since they were uttered. And Derek had already decided. Stiles could feel it through the strained bonds. They weren't completely open or closed. They were somewhere in the middle. The back of his neck was burning again and he was itching to scratch the alpha's claim mark there and to press his own rune against the beckoning one he was staring at. Most of his magic might have been depleted thanks to the outburst, making him feel as if his whole body was bruised on the inside, but he still had enough in him to feel how much it wanted their balancing connection to be established.<br/><br/>But Stiles held back and with his good hand pushed the arm away.<br/><br/>"Nothing? Really, Derek?!" he finally snapped, pain burning in the shimmering amber irises. He curled his hands into fists and ignored the pain that flared up in his injured shoulder from that move. He couldn't believe this man! Just standing there so silent! Like a stranger rather than his fucking <em>soulmate</em>. And it hurt nearly as much as that hated sentence from... apparently three days ago.<br/><br/>"You seriously... for once... for a change... aren't going to fight for us? For one fucking time?! Why does it always have to be me who does that??" he spat and felt some warm wetness ooze from his nose, inching toward his upper lip. Blood. He didn't care just kept staring at that big fucking emo moron. The anger that had been missing from him because of the shock three nights ago was now present in him very much, putting additional strain on his injured body along with the stirring magic. But Stiles didn't care about that either.</p><p>It was all familiar, maybe too familiar. People he cared about lashing out at him when the emotional strain got too much and Derek would lock up. And he always took it quietly, taking it because he deserved it, letting the words burn into him like brands. They didn't get him, he didn't even get himself. It was easier to take it instead of fighting with words, instead of getting angry himself when he was exhausted of everything. When it all felt like mistake after mistake until he no longer knew what to do anymore without making another one. It was like freefalling and no matter where he was going to land, it was going to hurt. Like this spiral of constant badness which surrounded him since he was fifteen years old.<br/><br/>"..." He wanted to fight, he wanted to get angry and curse and say that he wasn't going to get Stiles killed, that he wasn't good to be around. That time away would most likely save them but Stiles saw it as giving up. And he could smell blood and weakness and he knew if he'd push the human, he'd explode again, and there was no way the human body could take that.<br/><br/>Derek was the king of bad choices, choices which got people killed repeatedly and now he was at that crossroad again. He had no idea what the right one was, the little bit of confidence gained after the wall had been placed had crumbled a while ago and he knew that that was part of the problem. Him acting like a kicked dog, needing help and being weak. He should have cleaned the sheets and kept his mouth shut, then none of this would have happened in the first place.<br/><br/>"I'm sorry, for lashing out. I will do better from now on?" It sounded more like he was asking, not sure if this was the right thing to say or if this was going to push Stiles and he couldn't do that. "I will do better," Derek rushed to say with more conviction. He couldn't get Stiles killed, he couldn't. He'd do anything to make sure that wouldn't happen, anything at all. There were these alarms on his phone, he could set them so he'd get up more often in the night, and he could set one so he wouldn't be stuck under the shower. He could do better.</p><p>Hopelessness. That was the first thing Stiles felt besides the constant pain which was wreaking havoc in his body and soul. The tightness in his chest was back, making his broken heart crack further and beat faster. The room started to tilt, black dots swimming into the edges of Stiles' vision. The blood began dripping down from his chin steadier. Deaton's pills and potion were worth shit in the druid's opinion because the pressure in his head started to intensify too.<br/><br/>Derek didn't get it. Didn't get any of it after all this time being together either... And that didn't help him calm down. A crack ran across the window as the pressure in the room dropped significantly and he felt the fever returning in his body.<br/><br/>"I don't need you to do better, Derek! I need you not to say things to me like I stay with you only because I'll die without you!!" he shouted, struggling to sit up despite the protest of his body or the numbing pain in his shoulder and the crook of his elbow as he pulled the IV needle out.<br/><br/>"Or did you <em>mean</em> it? Do you really believe that? Were your words and what I felt on the kitchen table lies?! Did you lie to me, Derek?!" he questioned his mate, rough voice failing him a couple of times along the way. "Is that how you really see me? Like one of those people who only uses you? DO YOU SEE ME LIKE THAT, DEREK?! ANSWER ME FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" he shouted, his whole body swimming in pain and shaking, more cracks appearing on the window and the glass on the night stand simply shattered, but Stiles didn't seem to notice since his burning eyes were fixed on the stupid alpha while Stiles was now swallowing the blood too, which made his stomach churn, threatening with vomiting out the medicine all together.</p><p>The window creaked ominously and Derek flinched when the glass on the nightstand shattered and Stiles was only injuring himself more with the anger rising and rising while everything felt like it was slipping away. Talking at all seemed like the wrong thing, not talking was the wrong thing, everything was wrong. Frozen at the spot, he barely even realized Deaton had rushed in, pushing him aside to slip something in the human with a syringe and everything calmed. Stiles passed out quickly, the IV was returned and the vet sighed.<br/><br/>"You should leave, Derek."<br/><br/>"No. I'm not leaving."<br/><br/>"Your presence here doesn't do much good now, does it?"<br/><br/>"If I leave, he’ll think I gave up on him. I'm not leaving." Derek quietly got a bowl and cloth to clean up the blood, keeping his eyes red because being blind was a weakness he couldn't afford right now. He also cleaned up the glass and water, not caring when it cut into his skin to leave cuts which healed instantly. They barely had time to bleed much at all.<br/><br/>With an exhausted sigh, he sat down, cradling his head in his hands, forgetting he was naked until some clothes were shoved at him without much care. It was tempting not to take them, to shift back into the wolf and run until his paws bled and he couldn't run anymore. Nothing made sense, nothing at all. Maybe this was still Hell and Lucifer was somewhere laughing his ass off. It felt like it. His body was hurting, like he had swallowed wolfsbane which was good, he liked pain, it reminded him that he deserved all this. He dressed and didn't dare to sit down again with how the vet was glowering at him.</p><p>Deaton paused in that glaring in favor of putting a hand on the clammy and burning up forehead of the passed out Spark. He murmured something in Gaelic, making his palm light up in a green hue for a few seconds. It's all he could do to keep the fever at bay while Stiles was unconscious. He also checked his pulse, a dissatisfied expression taking over his features since it was still too quick for his liking. The young man's heart was working overtime again.<br/><br/>Part of him wasn't even surprised that the mates got to this point. He was more surprised it took them this long. With still not being the best at communication, Derek's impending insanity and the 'too much, too fast' growing of Stiles' magic, it was to be expected for something like this to happen. No wonder Sparks had the most dangerous legends about them in the books.<br/><br/>"You'll have to resolve this fast," he finally said. "He's weakened by the outburst and sick from the magic and stress on his body. I assume you have no idea just how close he is right now to turning into a darach. I believe it's his sheer force of will that keeps him from doing so, because he knows how to draw from the Nemeton and I suspect he also knows how to tap into the lay lines, even if he didn't do that before. I don't have to tell you why you wouldn't want that to happen," Deaton warned. He'd seen symptoms like this before and felt obliged to warn Derek. Stiles going berserk would have dire consequences and it was in the dark brown eyes which were back on the wolf.<br/><br/>"And that's not my only concern. His recent outburst <em>might</em> draw in... outside complications. The site of the explosion was unfortunately in the local news. Those who can recognize that particular pattern might take interest in checking out an alleged Spark. You have to know by now how rare and valuable someone like your mate can be to certain people."</p><p>"I know how close he is to going dark." That was the one thing Derek did know, because it felt nearly like it wasn't Stiles on the bed but Jennifer. She had made glass shatter too and her magic had always felt like this oppressing form pressing against him, making it hard to breathe once she had stopped hiding who she really was. There had been a wrongness to it all and that same kind of scent and feeling was here now too. He hadn't been keen on being used by her to kill people and that didn't change. He wasn't going to let that happen and if it did... well then he probably wasn't going to be part of it for very long. If Stiles turned dark, he'd burn out Derek and then himself.<br/><br/>The problem was, he didn't know how to resolve this. The wolf was barely holding on and now he was killing his mate or turning him dark. He couldn't care about what was coming, when it was too late to prevent the signs that shouldn't have happened in the first place.</p><p>"Let them come, they're not going to get him." It wasn't said with anger, it was stating a fact. It was going to get noticed, there was no way around that and for now they had bigger problems, like a dying mate.<br/><br/>"I offered him my arm, he didn't want it. And he needs magic, right? He needs a spark?"<br/><br/>"Yes, that's right." Deaton confirmed though he did so very carefully, not sure what Derek was thinking.<br/><br/>"So I'll give him mine. He thinks I don't love him, that I've lied to him all this time. I'll show him that I'm serious."<br/><br/>"I don't think that's wise to…"<br/><br/>"Does it change the bond and my ability to be his storage if I'm a beta?"<br/><br/>"No."<br/><br/>"Okay." Derek rolled up his sleeves and reached for the chair to put beside the bed. Stiles wanted him to prove it, then he was going to prove it because he had nothing to lose anymore. His mind was being kept together with magical bolts and screws. If Stiles died, he'd die too. If Stiles became a darach, he'd die. What was the use of being an alpha then? That's what the tattoo on his back stood for: he could be an alpha, he could be an omega. It changed, it always changed. He was used to being them all, it didn't matter.</p><p>Deaton wasn't sure this was a good idea, but it was still better than letting the sickness and darkness spread further in Stiles, threatening to turn him into an even bigger menace than Jennifer could ever be. Because Stiles was already way stronger than she could ever be simply because Stiles was born a Spark, like his deceased mother. But his potential was bigger than Claudia's was. Both Deaton and his sister knew that. No wonder she was so obsessed with the Stilinski boy nowadays.<br/><br/>The vet sighed and stood back, giving room for Derek to do what thought was best for them to stabilize his dying mate. The druid could feel and see the aimlessly floating residue of magic and the second the alpha got closer, it visibly moved towards him, searching for that connection that was apparently denied from it while Stiles was awake.<br/><br/>Derek didn't waste any more time just simply grabbed the wrist of his unconscious mate and focused on pulling the considerable amount of pain from the weakened human body. The black lines nearly immediately appeared, reaching up to Stiles’ bruised and bandaged shoulder.<br/><br/>The unconscious man unwittingly sighed with relief once the pain eased up in there, making his breathing and heartbeat steadier and also a tiny bit of color returned into his too pale face.</p><p>Instinct told Derek to stop when he was taking this much pain from the human, when even his werewolf healing had trouble processing it. Derek had to push himself to get past the instinct, to keep pulling so he could get at the dark poison running through the lithe body.<br/><br/>He hated this, hated how it had gotten to this because he had lashed out in his madness, because he had done damage to his mate with his words to the point that Stiles was dying and the Hale had to give up the alpha spark. Hated how his love would always destroy instead of heal so at least this way he'd finally do something right, this was something he could do without messing it up. He could die, there was that risk but he honestly didn't care anymore about anything. When everything was so utterly and completely in chaos and shards, the last thing Derek would concern himself with was his own life. Gritting his teeth he pushed on, taking too much until he nearly felt himself pass out with the effort.<br/><br/>It was then he felt it, the spark being ripped from him, to pass into Stiles to offer the magic he needed to stabilize. It was only fair since Stiles had given so much of himself and now Derek's turn had come up. Hopefully it was going to be enough, hopefully it was going to buy them the time they needed so Stiles and Derek could... talk? Ha, he'd screw it up even more. It didn't matter. A worry for later.</p><p>But of course a strange thing happened when the alpha spark felt like leaving Derek. Because of course things will never be simple with the two of them. Instead of the stirring human's magic accepting it, Stiles' own Spark awakened deep inside. The magic did latch onto the red spark, but it didn't pull it towards the other flame to absorb it. Instead, it was pushed back into the alpha who was ready to sacrifice that power for them to survive.<br/><br/>The magic knew better, though, and it took control over the situation. Stiles' arm with the flaring up rune seemingly moved on its own and latched onto Derek's. The second the connection opened up and magic began rushing from the wolf into the frail body, Stiles' back arched and a groan escaped him. Shimmering amber eyes opened half-way, but Derek couldn't be sure if Stiles was seeing him or not for those few brief moments before they closed again and the younger man's back and body relaxed except for the fingers that were digging into Derek's forearm like a vice.<br/><br/>Deaton's eyes widened for a few seconds from that twist of nature because he'd never seen anything like this before. He could see the magic rushing through the bond and into Stiles' motionless body, filling it and even from his spot he could visibly see the rapid healing that was going on in it. The Spark instinctively did what Stiles would have to in case he was awake, namely, pulling on Derek's healing power to help on the worst injuries of its host.<br/><br/><em>Fascinating</em>, he thought watching the still red-eyed alpha and his Spark in awe.</p><p>It was a whirlwind of everything and Derek wasn't completely sure what was all going on but it helped and Stiles seemed to have a better shot now with the body healed and the magic balanced. It wasn't going to be enough. If he was going to say the wrong things they were going to be right back here and that was terrifying when the health of his mate depended on his fucked up communicating. More terrifying than sitting here and giving whatever Stiles needed to take. This was easy, this was him lending his body.<br/><br/>"Derek?"<br/><br/>Confused he realized he had rested his head on the blanket Stiles was under. When did that happen? Stiles' hand was still clinging to his arm but the runes had stopped glowing. It took a moment for the wolf to see Deaton was talking to him and he hadn't even heard what he was saying, probably nothing important. "I'm fine. How's Stiles?"<br/><br/>The vet didn't give an immediate answer, obviously the alpha wasn't fine if he was passing out like that but he knew better than to pressure for an answer. He was going to be fine, though needed some rest, which he wouldn't take if suggested, some food which wouldn't be accepted so he sighed. "He's fine, sleeping. The danger has passed. For now." With these two it was hard to say what would be happening from now on. "Maybe you can try for some sleep now as well."<br/><br/>"No. I'm good, thank you." The alpha sat up straighter and held onto his mate's hand. Sleeping meant nightmares and flashbacks, and he'd be a mess and they couldn't afford that. So no, he wasn't going to sleep because Stiles needed him to fight for them, needed him to be different. When Alan didn't move yet, he hung his head to take a few deep breaths.</p><p>"If you're going to yell at me some more, can you do that in a few hours?" He didn't think he could handle more at the moment. And that was the truth. He was too raw right now, focused on keeping himself together desperately almost. Just a few hours for him to deal with the last days would be nice before more was piled up.<br/><br/>To his relief, Deaton moved away quietly and Derek settled in to wait for Stiles to wake up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 12: In Waves - Part 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <strong>12: In Waves – Part 3</strong>
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<p>Around dawn Stiles slowly woke up from a deep dreamless sleep. It was a nice change and he felt much better than before. Suspiciously so. He opened his eyes, the chirping of birds reminding him of his previous awakening even more. He was in the same room, but this time Derek was right by his side, his hand still holding his. He realized that when his fingers slightly moved in the warm hold. The wolf was asleep with his head resting on the edge of the bed, face turned towards Stiles.<br/><br/>He didn't run. He was right there, hand clinging to his as if he was afraid of letting it go. And judged by the way the pain had receded significantly in his whole body and the magic was calm and lazily swirling inside him, the wolf finally did more than just sitting around in silence.<br/><br/>With a soft sigh, a tiny smile tugged on the edge of Stiles' mouth from that as he kept watching over the – for once peaceful – dream of his mate. Even if Stiles felt a little pain just from looking at him, even if he was still a bit angry with him, he found Derek beautiful. Of course, Stiles knew that saving his life somehow and risking the balancing with him being unconscious, things wouldn't be miraculously okay between them. But it was a good starting point.<br/><br/>Stiles had some time now to think through things while he kept holding the big hand. It was nearly peaceful and even his thoughts seemed reluctant to disturb that too much. But yes, they'd have to work on them if they wanted to stay together. If he wanted to avoid outbursts like the one that had happened a few days ago. He had no idea how much time had passed since their latest argument – or rather Stiles losing it before he was sedated – but he was calmer and more in balance now. The throbbing in his head was finally manageable. So he just turned on his side and kept watching the man he still loved despite everything.</p>
<p>Derek twitched because he felt watched and he realized with an abrupt jerk of his body that he had fallen asleep even though he had vowed he wouldn't. At first he thought it might be Deaton coming back for more yelling so he flashed his eyes red to make sure it's not a threat. It wasn't. It was Stiles watching him with small eyes still half-lidded, looking better now at least and the gaze wasn't full of anger either, even more confusing. Honestly he had expected for the human to wake up and demand more out of Derek since he never had gotten an answer before he had been drugged.<br/><br/>Wiping at his mouth and face, he was quick to sit up. "Sorry," Derek apologized for falling asleep, his heart hammering anxiously because he had been dreading this moment, words were a stupid, stupid thing and it could ruin it all instantly. Something he had been aware of, of course, since that's what it always did but he didn't want to anger Stiles again, or hurt him. Normally if people said idiotic things, they'd fight, they'd apologize. The Hale had the unfortunate experiences that he lost people, hurt them, got them killed. Which had been proven yet again. It wasn't that he wanted to close Stiles out, but he was genuinely terrified at this point of opening his mouth. Something he couldn't tell Stiles because then he'd feel guilty and maybe even angry for all the drama so Derek had to weigh his words oh so very carefully.<br/><br/>"How are you feeling?" It didn't feel like glasses were going to explode this time so it had to be better than before and the pressure of the magic was gone.</p>
<p>Although that 'sorry' wasn't said to apologize to Stiles for what was said to him during Derek's 'mad outburst,' it was still a bit good to hear it and the mage didn't let go of Derek's hand. His hold on it tightened a bit to prevent his mate from any attempt of breaking that grounding connection.<br/><br/>"Better... And it's fine, you needed rest too," Stiles said a bit still hoarsely and studied his mate's face for a while. He knew most of his expressions and this one was kinda closed up but this time because Derek was... terrified. From him? Or what nearly happened? Stiles couldn't decide just yet. "You have balanced us on your own," he stated the obvious fact. He wasn't pissed about it despite the fact that he remembered how he had refused that offered hand and knew that it could be dangerous for the wolf to do so while Stiles was unconscious. A quick check on the state of the wall in Derek's mind made him ease up a bit further. "The wall is intact. And... I feel like you tried to do something more, but I don't know what..." he lightly frowned for a moment or two before his face relaxed again, his thumb instinctively rubbing against Derek's hand. "You saved me, haven't you? Despite the dangers... Thank you. Was losing it badly," he sighed.<br/><br/>The memories were still a bit hazy, but he didn't forget what he had asked and how he didn't get the chance to get an answer to his questions.<br/><br/>"So... do you... see me like that?" he finally asked, only daring to whisper since he feared the answer.</p>
<p>"No, I don't Stiles. I was busy hating myself, being ashamed for everything and I lashed out. And then all this happened and now you nearly died and I nearly..." Nearly gave up the alpha spark but he didn't say that, it didn't matter because it didn't happen. "I nearly lost you."<br/><br/>There was no blame towards Stiles but it was a reminder that this was too much for both of them, that even though Stiles tried so hard to do everything, he was only a young man still with his own traumas and hang ups. It had been too much and Derek should have seen that. It could have ended very differently. "I think I should get myself admitted. Not because I'm giving up on us, or that I won't fight for us. But I've spent the past days being afraid of talking, afraid of being even more of a failure and I can't... I can't heal if I don't even dare to sleep because there might be more flashbacks and I know I'll be nasty to you. You don't deserve that."<br/><br/>He clasped Stiles' hand with both of his. "Please, don't get mad about this. I can't build a future with you if I'm too busy destroying the now. There's a group therapy at Eichen for soldiers, for them to deal with triggers. Eichen is the only place for supernaturals like me and it won't be at the special wing. You can visit daily if you want but this is too much for us. I need to get myself in working order and your wall saved most of my sanity... but..." It clearly wasn't working as magically as they had hoped it would be. "This is going to destroy us both if we don't handle this well."</p>
<p>Stiles swallowed hard and he squeezed Derek's hand reassuringly. His first instinct was to scream 'NO!' at him, but he didn't because there was truth in his words and finally he was talking about his fears and concerns more openly than his usual self. He had to appreciate that, even if what he was saying stabbed Stiles in the heart again.<br/><br/>He sighed heavily and pulled on Derek's hand, scooting back a bit on the bed to make room for his mate. "Come, lay down with me, please," he said quietly and waited until it happened. He let Derek's hand go just then so he could wrap his healed up arm around his middle and face him as they shared his pillow while lying on their sides.<br/><br/>"I'm not mad about it, but you know how much I hate Eichen. Especially that special wing," he shivered even just from thinking about it. "Because I know you need some more of that professional help, I'll let you anywhere near that place on one condition," he said softly and paused for a moment. "You cannot stay there. You can go see if those group sessions can help on you, but you won't be admitted to live there or go through any medical treatments. After each session you'll come home to me... to our family and I'll listen to you if you have something you want to tell me and leave you to your thoughts if you don't," he said with a hint of guilt in his voice because he figured Derek's been terrified to talk partly because of him. "I won't get carried away like... I think it was last night... I won't demand from you to talk if you don't want to. I want to be there for you too. Help you heal. I'll do more research and be better for you... us too," he said, eyes welling up.</p>
<p>"I don't want to lose you either, Derek. I love you. You're <em>everything</em> to me. Just thinking about being apart from you... it hurts and makes me feel sick. Please don't force us to be apart," he sniffed, his tears escaping his eyes while his fingers curled into a fist around Derek's shirt. "I'm sorry if it's selfish, but I need you with me too. Not just because of the bonds but because I love everything you are and being without you feels like losing a limb. Incomplete. I'm incomplete without you, don't you see?"</p>
<p>Honestly, Derek wasn't eager to be anywhere near Eichen House considering what it had done to Lydia, Stiles and Peter, even though the latter had deserved it. Nor was he eager to be at a place where Marin was working since she clearly was more than happy with him dying as long as it’d save the Spark. But there was a reality to consider. The fact that any regular therapy wouldn't help him when he was too busy controlling himself and his words, saying he had been in Hell would get him admitted fast without his consent. Nor would any of their treatments do anything for his healing so it left him with the one place which was known to people like them and took in supernaturals.<br/><br/>"Stiles, you're young, you have been through traumas yourself and taking care of a basket case like me non-stop is wearing you down. We both lashed out, and that should be okay when it gets too much. But we can't handle it yet so stop trying to take on everything." Reaching out, Derek touched Stiles' cheek, sensing there were tears coming soon. The younger man knew all too well this was something that had to happen, and nobody wanted it to. Sometimes it wasn't about what they wanted, it was about doing what was needed.<br/><br/>"I love you, and that's exactly why I'm doing this. You had yourself admitted because you weren't safe for others, this is the same. It's voluntary. If I don't want to be there anymore, I can leave. My everything nearly died, because of me. I'm not going through that again, I can't." Some day he was going to lose Stiles, but not now, not yet, not because of him. If Stiles saw that as forcing them to be apart, then that was unfortunate. But he had made up his mind, their pack was too small for this.<br/><br/>"You can visit when you need to, we can balance when you need it. You'll be safe and you'll be with Beth, maybe even find a job if you want to. It's only for a little while."</p>
<p>Stiles huffed frustrated. He so wanted to flick Derek's forehead or head-butt him for having such a thick stubborn skull. But he didn't just because he wouldn't see it coming and he didn't want to trigger him or something.<br/><br/>"Jesus, Derek... Haven't you heard the age old wisdom of compromises making a relationship and things in general work? Things are so black and white with you sometimes," he sighed and paused for a moment to collect his thoughts because he knew that the outcome of this conversation would have big impacts on their lives and he really didn't want to screw it up.</p>
<p>"I was just offering a compromise to you with allowing you near that horror house in the first place. Sure, I admitted myself because of that, but one, I had no idea back then what was really going on with me. We know exactly what's going on with you. And two, it was one of my worst ideas. That turned out pretty quickly once I was there. I can only imagine how much worse it might have been if my Spark was awake back then," he snorted. He could totally see the staff and doctors doing much worse things to him. Probably even experimenting on him in that fucking special ward. Sick bastards.<br/><br/>"The real question here is... why do you want to avoid being home... with me... so much?" he asked with a frown, not bothered by the tears wetting Derek's hand on his cheek. He wanted to understand. He needed to understand.</p>
<p>"You nearly died, Stiles. Isn't that reason enough? If I sleep at home, if I'm there, I'll have flashbacks. If you’re dead, there will never be compromises ever again, there will be nothing. I can't lose you, especially because I did it and I don't understand how you think keeping me at home is a healthy way." The tears dripping on his hand were felt, but he couldn't let that guilt him into giving in. Compared to making Stiles sad or making him dead, sad was the preference. Not that he took any pleasure in that, he only felt guilty.<br/><br/>Of course he wanted to be home, he missed Beth, he missed them having a normal day. There was nothing normal about Stiles being the sole caretaker of Derek, especially not because it overwhelmed him which he refused to acknowledge even now. Without the Hale there, Beth had at least one daddy around. Stiles would be alive and Derek could work on attempting to get some kind of a mental health back which wouldn't destroy everyone around him because he couldn't keep his mouth shut. It was ironic, keeping quiet would not avoid problems because there was no way Stiles would be okay with a silent partner but words harmed as well. The human had been through enough.<br/><br/>"It's better if I'm not there. It's the safest way."</p>
<p>"Ugh, seriously... Can't believe how thick your skull is," Stiles grunted and took a deep calming breath, wiping away the last of his tears before a sniff and then fisting his hand now at the front of Derek's shirt on his chest. "You're so wrong about that, Derek... It's safer if you are home with me after the sessions. Not just for yourself but... for me too," he lightly tugged on said shirt in an attempt to make Derek understand.<br/><br/>"You might have just witnessed that I nearly died, but you forget that I've been on the receiving end of such situations for so many more times in the past. And let me tell you, it's not my favorite pastime. I don't want to see you like that either. That's why I'm willing to let you go to Eichen for the sessions and even on a private therapy if the doctor is good. I know it's important for you and because of that for us too. What you don't realize, though, and listen very carefully my big moron: is that I won't be safe without <em>you</em>. I went off the rails and became unbalanced because you weren't with me. Because I thought I had lost you. And as much as I can understand why you need therapy, you have to understand in return that <em>I need you</em> <em>with me</em>. I've told you, you are my everything, which means you are also my balance and anchor. I need you, Derek..." he confessed because deep down Stiles knew that even with possible visits and balancing at Eichen wouldn't be enough. "It's safer for both of us if you come home to me after each session. It's safer for <em>everyone</em>. Not just because of us."<br/><br/>Because yes, Stiles was full of fears and worries too. He wasn't stupid. He knew if he went so off-balance again, he'd kill everyone who got in his way while going to his mate. He also feared the destruction he could be the reason for. And he also worried that his previous outburst was going to draw in the wrong kind of crowd too. He'll lose it without Derek.</p>
<p>Derek didn't know if it was the right thing to do, if this wasn't going to be another set up to fail since isn't that what he was good at? But he couldn't let his mate flounder by himself if he needed the Hale around that badly. He feared being home, Stiles feared him not being home. It wasn't a good situation no matter how they would spin this. Closing his eyes, he nodded, hoping that this wasn't going to be the moment they'd look back on and say, that's where it went wrong.<br/><br/>"Okay. If that's what you need then okay."<br/><br/>Yes, he needed therapy, not because it was important to him, but because this was beyond them both to know how to handle. It was a week after the wall had been placed and Stiles had been unconscious for four of those days, it had taken three days for it to go wrong, only three days. Which was not something either one of them could be blamed for. Lucifer had destroyed Derek, the fact they had managed for so long was more than he thought they had. He needed to make sure he could handle himself and the triggers happening.<br/><br/>"You've seen some of my memories, you know this is beyond us." Maybe Derek was hoping that the therapy could help him tell Stiles things, because opening himself up was even harder, knowing his mate would pick up on way too much. "I'm not the sharing type. I'd rather keep it all in and deal with it myself. This is for us, for Beth."</p>
<p>"I know..." Stiles nodded, leaning his tear-stained face into Derek's warm palm as he closed his eyes for a few moments. "I also know we need help. But I also know that we need each other for balance. And I want you to understand that I don't want to stand in the way of your recovery in any way, but... all of my instincts are screaming against you staying full time in that place. And..." he paused, opening his eyes just to slide a bit closer to Derek's warm body because all of a sudden he felt so cold from his own memories.<br/><br/>"... there are things I'm struggling to share with you too so I get it. But even if you don't share yours, I know I have to tell you some things that might make you look at me... differently..." Stiles swallowed hard, hesitation clear in his voice and the vibes he was giving off through the bonds too. But he could feel that he had Derek's full attention as he was waiting patiently for him to reveal the things that felt like suffocating him.<br/><br/>"As painful as it was... the outburst, I mean... it also made me feel <em>so</em> powerful. Besides the pain that's all I could feel. Power. I didn't even care what it was doing to my body and mind... I just... I... <em>liked it</em> and the destructive release," he admitted on a whisper, clearly ashamed. Because he remembered that feeling all too clearly even now. "And I... I still crave it. I can feel the pull of the Nemeton each day. I've been feeling it ever since the sacrifice we had made with Scott and Allison. But I've got used to it. Even after we mated and it got stronger. But the stronger we get, the stronger the pull is too. And worse of it all, I can feel the lay lines beckoning me now too. Ever since we put on the wall in your head. And a part of me... that dark part wants to give into it. A part of me is curious what might happen, but I'm mostly just terrified from that possibility. Of losing myself and my control so completely in the magic and energies. I saw the footage on my phone... what I did in the forest. And I'm afraid what would happen if you weren't around me... to anchor and balance me. That's... that's the real reason we just... can't risk of you staying away. I'm just as terrified for my own reasons... like you are about the insanity and accidentally hurting me. I'm terrified from my own desires and the possibility of hurting <em>everyone</em>..." he trailed off, body tense as he was waiting for Derek's reaction and boy, he hoped that Derek wouldn't be disgusted from what Stiles had revealed. That he wouldn't reject him for it.</p>
<p>Absolute power corrupts absolutely.<br/><br/>That saying was and always will be true. He had been alpha several times, and the first time he had that kind of strength in him, he had felt like maybe he might get to live beyond the age of 22. But Derek had known it would attract attention and that he had to build a pack to be stronger and have more power. Having three strong betas had given him that but it had changed when Boyd had died and that power of his beta had went into him, souring everything. That kind of strength, as good at it felt for a moment, it had made him feel sick because it had come at a too heavy price. A reminder of what power could do.<br/><br/>Derek had seen what power had done to Peter, to Kate, to Gerard, to Jennifer, to Deucalion and even at times to Scott. And he wasn't an idiot, he felt what the Nemeton had, the immense strength that came with the tree, with the lay lines. He had never used it himself, but he had felt it. The Nemeton wasn't always as neutral as it should be, not with all the dark forces it had attracted already and had been used by. Stiles would go dark, he'd turn into a darach unless Derek would keep him in line. Because eventually, his mate was going to tap into that power when he needed it to save the town or his loved ones. It wasn't a matter of ‘if’, it was a matter of ‘when’. It was a terrifying thought: Stiles depending on Derek's goodness to remain a druid. But he needed to, he realized that now.<br/><br/>"I don't care about power, not anymore, not for a long time. But I understand the pull it has. I've felt what Jennifer had tapped into, what she had been capable of. I couldn't control her, I don't think she ever wanted me to guide her. She only wanted me so she could tap into it, thinking I'd follow her. I'm not a follower. I'm not swayed by power and you know I won't let you hurt others."<br/><br/>Derek would never let others be hurt because of whom he loved. He hoped it would never come to it but if he had to, he'd stop Stiles, like he had stopped Jennifer. "I knew your darkness, I know it still. I know it's a big part of you. But I don't fear it, because I know the rest of you as well. I fear others coming to use you, I don't fear you."</p>
<p>Somehow Stiles managed to sag against Derek's body even in their lying position when his tense muscles suddenly relaxed. He buried his face into the broad chest and tightened his arm's hug around the wolf's middle. Maybe Deaton's books were right after all and there was a reason why Sparks worked best with someone supernatural as a mate. He was so glad in that moment that his became a wolf. His familiar. His anchor. <em>His</em> wolf. That meant so many more than just in their romantic relationship.<br/><br/>Derek was the only one who could stop him. Not control, no. Stiles doubted that anyone could control him beside himself. And when that control might slip, he didn't doubt his wolf will be there to bring him back. But he had to make sure...<br/><br/>"Derek, I need you to swear something to me. I know you know and understand exactly what I was talking about regarding the power. If I lose it and go dark and you cannot bring me back in any way, I need you to promise me that you'll stop me with every means necessary. Even if it means killing me. I know it's unfair and <em>a lot</em> to ask from you, but we need to think of the innocents and loved ones first. And perhaps you have a better chance of surviving my death if it comes to that. I just... need to know I can count on you with this important task..." he murmured into Derek's chest, not daring to look up at him or move.</p>
<p>It was unfair to ask. It was a whole lot to ask. Derek was also the only one to be asked because Noah wouldn't be able to do it. He'd try to stop Stiles, he had proven that much, but a human against a darach wasn't going to work. Derek was the logical one to ask, the one to be the closest, who might have the strength and chance to do it. Stiles deserved to have that kind of backup plan even if it wasn't one they wanted to ever have to implement. But Derek had one like that as well. If he'd go feral, if he goes dark, Chris was going to put him down. The Hale had asked the hunter because he had been the most logical choice, he, like Derek, would do what was needed without emotions getting in the way.<br/><br/>Sighing, he nodded, kissing Stiles' forehead. "I promise. If you promise me to fight the darkness with your last breath." Derek knew, even if, after a long period of killing, there was a chance to get Stiles back, he would never live with himself with all the deaths he had caused. So it should never get to that point. "My focus will always be on saving you if there's a chance."<br/><br/>Jennifer... she wasn't supposed to die either, he hadn't intended on her dying like she had done. Deucalion had slashed her throat because the man had known she would never have been fine with not having the powers. She had been determined to kill the alpha pack, even if it had killed Scott and Derek. She had killed so many innocents to complete the ritual with the lay lines. Unfortunately, Stiles didn't have to finish that kind of a ritual, so there wouldn't be much warning, the powers were right there for the picking.<br/><br/>"The Nemeton isn't neutral, you know that. It has known too much darkness so as long as we use the power for good through us, it's fine. The moment you start listening to it..." Void had only been a preview if Stiles would be tempted like Jennifer. There would be so much badness.</p>
<p>"I won't... I'll try with all my strength not to listen to it. I promise too. And... thank you," Stiles tipped his face up to gently kiss his mate. He knew this was way too much to ask of him, but he had to. He had to make sure Derek would do the right thing. And knowing now that he promised... it calmed something deep down in Stiles, making it a bit easier for him to breathe again.<br/><br/>"I'm sorry for burdening you with this too when you already have more than enough on your plate, but you had to know. We had to have this conversation. I think even Deaton would approve..." he chuckled a bit dryly as he put his head back on the pillow, drinking in the sight of his mate from so close.<br/><br/>At times like these, he wished their lives were easier, simpler. Just two humans trying to get by in life, at work, with raising their daughter. But life's never been or will be like that for them. Sometimes Stiles felt as if they were pawns in a game of unknown forces. Being moved around to fight, to grow, to protect. He had kinda accepted that given the fact where they lived, what they were and what kind of forces they have meddled with. But there were days when he wanted nothing to do with any of this. Just be Stiles and love Derek.<br/><br/>What really mattered now, though, was that Derek didn't fear him, that he'd do what might be necessary to save him. Even if it meant from himself.<br/><br/>"I don't know what Deaton had told you about possible outside threats, but I think neither of us are naïve enough not to see that it might happen. While dealing with ourselves, I think it'd be wise to also try to prepare for people starting to sniff around town. We have to be more careful and a few steps ahead of them, even if we don't know what kind of people the Spark might attract. I know it's a lot piled up on our own problems, but we cannot afford to show weakness and be vulnerable for any kind of an attack."</p>
<p>"I know. I know hunters may see this as a sign of the supernatural and come investigate but what's worse, there will be out there who might realize the truth of what really happened. It's why I need to get ahead of my... problems so you can heal my eyes and I can be at full strength for you."<br/><br/>They always had to be vigilant, there was no other way around it no matter how quiet it might get. Though Derek doubted that it would ever get quiet at all. Derek was involved with angels, witches, demons and hunters and for some reason, he was the one they talked to or he'd pick up on things. He knew too much, was on the radar of too many. Not to mention the fact that somewhere out there, Lucifer was still roaming and though he hadn't shown much interest in Derek anymore, he was still a threat. Meanwhile Stiles was a powerful Spark, a mage with too much promise on the verge of becoming huge or becoming dark and the two trouble magnets had decided to form a partnership for life.<br/><br/>That white picket fence life? Not going to happen. Maybe, if Derek would actually form a pack and give them more strength but they were too unstable to add to it, and he wasn't willing to offer the bite. His dream was to offer a home to those who had no home. To gather betas that way. Which would take time. And he wasn't going to rush it yet again because of oncoming danger. Last time it hadn't worked out and it wouldn't this time either. He’s not going to be making that mistake. Not again.<br/><br/>"You're a Spark bonded to an alpha werewolf. You're a weapon in the making and that will be noticed." They had to be strong enough to stand their ground and scare away threats so they wouldn't dare trying. That's how it worked.</p>
<p>"Sometimes that scares me. Just like the rapid way my powers are growing and how we both have to quickly adjust. I know it's a plus strain on you too, even with the wolf healing. But at least you are getting stronger too. I know your dream about building a pack from the unwanted and I want to help you with it in due time. The outburst might attract beings who are in the know and maybe figure it out that the Spark has a strong wolf familiar. I mean... in the books and legends Sparks more often than not were connected to wolves – betas or alphas, it didn't matter – and that amplified their powers. That's happening with us too and you know it. Some might hear rumors about an alpha in Beacon Hills without a pack too. They might start coming to size us... you up with the intention of joining your pack," Stiles thought out loud, trying to consider every option.<br/><br/>"So some might come without ill intent. But yes, some hunters will probably investigate, though most know that this town is protected by the Argents. Chris might shake off some if we ask him. With the rest he or even we can deal with. I'm more concerned about witches and warlocks and maybe even other druids and emissaries. Did you know that druids have a council in each bigger region? North-America has one too. Frankly, I'm surprised that they didn't send someone knocking on our door yet. I suspect Deaton might have a hand in that perhaps?" he mused.</p>
<p>There's no way Derek was ready for a pack, the building wasn't even ready yet but he wouldn't reject a potential pack member if they came looking if they were a good fit. "A pack would mean we'd be stronger." It would also mean they'd build more of a reputation so it could wait, not that he thought there would be many eager to join up with Derek Hale. His reputation was the worst out there. Old stories, fake stories. It didn't matter but that's what they'd hear.<br/><br/>"Yes, I know a pack would make you and through you me stronger too, but we aren't ready for that yet. Unless there's a good fit," Stiles unwittingly echoed Derek's thought again. "Plus, neither of us trusts easily. Especially me. We had a few arguments about that with Scott back in the day," he snorted with a slightly bitter taste in his mouth from the memories.<br/><br/>"I know the Council of South America." Not all of them but Derek had to deal with them when he had been living there because the pack had close connections to them. They were as useless as Deaton preferred to be, staying out of everything while hunters had free reign. Derek didn't care that's what they were supposed to be, neutral, he couldn't get it how a group of gifted people could stand by and let innocents get murdered. "But let them come. I can ask them how they let Kate become so strong with magic to control berserkers."<br/><br/>"Yes, that would be a good question to them about that bitch. But the answer would be the same like with Deaton and Morrell. 'For the balance, for the greater good'. I kinda understand their outdated point of view which is built on traditions, but will never accept it. Even if I only had an emissary bond to you, I couldn't just stand aside and watch you and your pack and innocents get hurt or even murdered. That's not me. Maybe because I'm a Spark, maybe because it's just not my nature. I could never step aside like that, only occasionally throwing in advice or taking part in the fights. So I guess you've got lucky with me in the end," Stiles chuckled for real now, his hand sliding from Derek's waist to his chest to caress it fondly. "I'm more action-packed. And sexier too," he added, obviously trying to lighten the mood a bit.<br/><br/>Witches were going to come, for sure, witches and mages. Mostly for Stiles but Derek'd get caught in the crossfire, easiest way to get to a mage was to get to their familiar. However, he wasn't a simple black cat or mouse, he was a powerful alpha. "I don't know how high Alan is on the druid ladder. I didn't even know he was the Hale's emissary until Laura had died and came back here."</p>
<p>"Frankly, I don't know about Deaton's position either. Or what kind of connections he or Morrell has. He's still very cryptic. Even with me who's his... protégé or apprentice or something... But... I think we're kinda starting to grow on him. He's more open and also seems to care more than in the past. Especially compared to his sister. That woman just gives me the creeps. She's too much of an opportunist, especially lately because of me. We better keep an eye on her too. I don't trust her."</p>
<p>"Deaton blamed me for the fire. It's why he was like... that." Deaton had never said it out loud, but it was there, the blame Derek had been able to smell on him, like he had been able to smell it on Peter and Cora when they found out the truth. Not Laura, she never had known the truth, not her. She had been the one he had depended on, and he never wanted to disappoint her. "Maybe he's easier now with time passed, with you thrown in the mix." Deaton seemed to help Derek out of loyalty to his mother, because it was his job but maybe, besides the usual disapproving jabs his way, there were some positive emotions these days. As for Marin? She was not to be trusted but they had known that ever since she had helped the alpha pack until suddenly her own life was on the line. Then she had become 'good'.</p>
<p>Pulling Stiles closer, he sighed. The human still smelled like blood and sickness and death. It was a reminder of what had happened and as nice as this moment was now, they had a long road ahead of them and probably no time for it to be long.</p>
<p>"She's most likely a preview of this Council which might come knocking, to test you like the alpha pack did with me. They might not even know the Nemeton is alive again." Stiles was probably even worse at politics than Derek was, so, as much as they weren't ready for more pack, to have one in the pack who was able to smoothly talk to other groups would be appreciated.<br/><br/>Derek had managed so far, he had been building on truces with hunters and had even set up this arrangement to have hunters call him if they were hunting omega werewolves so Derek could get in touch with the pack of the territory they were hunting on to make sure the omega really was beyond saving. There weren't that many calls sadly, most were too far gone and had been put down while they were killing and the numbers of werewolves was going down at an alarming rate. Too few alphas, too many rabid biting incidents. Too many hunters. And, as Stiles had pointed out, a lack of trust.<br/><br/>"I don't care about traditions anymore, you know that. I knew when the pack was a mix of everything that it would never be as traditional packs would dictate it to be. Times have changed, we all have to be fluid and druids are not."</p>
<p>Stiles nuzzled closer to Derek, burying his face into his neck to inhale the familiar scent, the musk of the wolf always present on the warm skin. It also always managed to calm him as much as Derek's physical closeness.<br/><br/>"He was wrong to blame you for the fire. You were an inexperienced teen used by a tricky hunter," Stiles hurried to reassure his mate (again) that he didn't think like Deaton and probably many more. "Otherwise I think he's kinda fond of us being mated and all. Maybe he even enjoys guiding a Spark like me. He had told me that he never had the opportunity to work so closely with one. So I guess I'm a novelty to him too. And I have the suspicion that Marin is more in connection with the Druid Council than her brother. She even might be reporting back to them. Or she has her own agenda – as usual. Dunno, these are just my theories and suspicions," Stiles sighed.<br/><br/>There was only a noise of disapproval because Stiles didn't agree with him on being responsible for the fire and Derek didn't agree with Stiles. The problem was that he had been part of the destruction of his family and he wasn't going to pretend that he was only just a victim. He had been sixteen, he should have known better and he had never dared to trust that easily again.<br/><br/>The prospect of the Council knocking on their door and wanting to test him like the alpha pack did with Derek wasn't an appealing one. Especially now when they had their own problems – which included Stiles' control problems.<br/><br/>"I'm a bit worried about a possible visit, though. Because I don't want to be deemed too dangerous in the eye of the Council. Someone to be put down like when hunters do that to your kind when they get out of control," he admitted, mumbling his words into Derek's neck. "I need to train harder to avoid that. To control my emotions better. I cannot allow the possibility of losing you trigger me so easily."</p>
<p>Listening to that, there was another noise coming from Derek’s throat. "What you need to do is inform yourself first. Find out the rules of this Council. They didn't come to put Jennifer down so I doubt they're like the alpha pack."</p>
<p>They would rule the human this dangerous for sure because that was a fact. Stiles was stronger than anything before, which was why Marin had this unhealthy obsession with the Spark in the first place. Not that Stiles training extra hard was going to go to waste but to do it out of a sense of panic of possible oncoming death by this Council was going overboard with it. And yeah, Derek couldn't trigger Stiles that easily because that was too dangerous for both of them.<br/><br/>"You need an outlet for when it gets too much. Maybe work is that? Or a hobby. Anything to get your mind of it when you need to." Derek would work out to get these feelings of being overwhelmed settled, or he used to paint or draw. He'd go into the woods and run. That's what he had done when he had lost Boyd, run off to the old distillery where he'd work out and brood and stayed away from others to protect them from more harm. He preferred being alone like that, with Stiles it could be different.<br/><br/>"Maybe you can get started on getting materials for your garden on the roof? Check out the space, make a plan."</p>
<p>"You're probably right and I like your ideas. Especially about the garden. I could do that next to some more working out and training with Deaton. Dunno when the paperwork will go through about the consultant detective position dad had managed to get for me at the station, but we are in no rush in that since we have more pressing matters at the moment," Stiles hummed into Derek's neck and stroked his chest again.<br/><br/>Derek was probably right about the Council too. Stiles should start asking questions about it from Deaton and perhaps the older druid had some kind of a book or history about them. Or at least stories. 'Know your enemy', right? Well, maybe the Council wasn't his enemy since they didn't intervene even when a Nemeton was being revived and corrupted by a darach – which was probably a big thing in their world too – but Stiles wasn't going to take any chances. Not when it came to the safety of his mate and him. Because it was very likely that in case the Council decided to eliminate the threat Stiles might be, Derek would die after him. Maybe not right away. Maybe he could even survive the death of his mate and the severing of the bonds, but if the wolf didn't come to terms with all the terrors in his head by the time Stiles' wall was going to fade, he was probably going to spend that life insane. He couldn't allow any of these possibilities so Stiles will have to dig deep and be prepared. As much as he can.<br/><br/>"Hm... What do you think... when might it be safe to try bringing your eyesight back? How do you feel about that?" he asked carefully, not knowing much about such things yet. "Deaton said a few weeks might be needed, but I think it will depend on your state of mind and how you feel about it. Even the magic knows that it shouldn't heal your eyes yet, though it would've had the opportunity a couple of times before..."</p>
<p>"Hopefully next week or so? This week?" Derek had to pause to remember how much time had passed between getting his soul back and now. It had to be around a week so next week would sound okay. Two weeks before the thin veil of here and Hell would fade after the soul had returned. Part of him wanted to see again, was already sick of it and part of him reveled in the safety it provided him. The semi-darkness was more comforting than seeing too much. Plus there was a chance they couldn't be healed. Not everything was fixable with magic and Derek wasn't ready to deal with a possible permanent loss of sight.<br/><br/>"Not long anymore. I'd like to get back home to Beth in a few days, though." If he wasn't going to be admitted to Eichen House and if they were at the loft where he was going to work hard on not unraveling, then maybe, depending on how long it would take to start therapy, they could at least spend time with the toddler again. It had been too long since he had seen his daughter, though it had been for her own safety. She was part wolf, she needed her alpha around since she was too young to be without her pack.<br/><br/>Opening his eyes, the milky white eyes, he leaned back to 'look' at his mate. "I'm not ready to see you as a corpse again." Especially not since they had come so close to that being a reality. It was too soon for the youngest Hale to become an orphan. Hopefully she would never experience that but it was a distinct possibility.</p>
<p>"It's okay, Derek," Stiles studied the white eyes which – in a weird way – he found badass and even sexy. Yeah, well, he was weird in many things so no wonder this fell under such a category for him too. "I don't want to force anything on you. I was just asking how you feel about it. You can tell me when it's time and then I can prepare for the spell and try it," he murmured, lifting his hand from the broad chest to gently caress the bearded face.<br/><br/>"I think you rock this look too, by the way. But I want what's best for you. And if it means going back home to be around Beth for a while, then we'll do that. If you're ready. She misses you and us. But you already know that from my recaps of the short stops at the house and the phone calls we did with her," he added. And damn, it was hard to hear her hopeful voice about seeing Derek again. And even harder when Stiles could hear the disappointment in her cute little voice when she was told 'soon'. The quivering of the small little lips was a sight that he could easily imagine and which haunted his dreams.<br/><br/>But at least they were going home soon. And if things go well, he'll heal Derek's eyes. What he didn't tell to his mate was that Stiles could feel on the magic that it can do it. It could've done it earlier too, as he had told the wolf. So the younger man had no doubt about that at least. But first he'll have to regain his strength and health since according to Deaton it was going to take a lot out of him again.</p>
<p>"I know you were just asking but I'm not ready yet." Probably why the magic didn't work on healing it. Derek’d love to have his sight back because being blind was limiting and it would make it easier for Stiles to take care of him without the strain of a blind mate. But the hallucinations that came with it if they didn't wait out those few weeks, it wasn't worth it. Going back to Beth and Noah was dangerous enough on its own but he honestly ached to be with his kid again. He had barely seen her lately and she had already lost her mom. He didn't want her to think her dad didn't want her either, that he'd disappear on her as well.<br/><br/>Besides, it wasn't like Stiles was even up for it right now. He was still healing from the overload, from the wall. There was no way he was up for it at the moment without doing serious harm to himself. Derek had seen how much it had taken out of Jennifer and she had been at full strength.</p>
<p>Stiles only nodded and made an understanding sound in his throat about Derek not being ready. It was clear to him too. Not just from what he felt from his mate, but how his magic had acted so far. But he didn't hold that against Derek, he understood. Plus it was safer for all of them if they waited a little bit longer. Hopefully safer. Stiles was mentally crossing his fingers for no shit to hit the fan until then.</p>
<p>"Stiles..." he hesitated for a moment. "I tried to heal you by giving you my spark and... your magic wouldn't let me. It gave it back and started balancing instead." Which meant Derek would know how to get that ritual started in the future should Stiles be unable to. But the fact that it hadn't wanted the spark was... unheard of. Strange. And he didn't know what it meant exactly. Besides Deaton being beside himself with curiosity.</p>
<p>What Derek revealed froze the recovering druid. He haven't heard about anything like that either. The shock and disdain he initially felt from Derek willing to sacrifice his alpha status and powers for him slowly transformed into confusion and curiosity.<br/><br/>"As much as I appreciate your effort to heal me, please don't try to make such a sacrifice again. You are an alpha again with a reason. Don't waste it on me. I'll be fine. I think... the magic 'knows' better as it was shown to you. I cannot think of anything else to explain why it gave your spark back and started the balancing instead..." Stiles mused. So this was that 'something more' he had felt Derek had tried to do in order to save him. He knew there was something he wasn't telling, but now he knew. And it made sense.<br/><br/>"It makes sense that you tried that. I mean... I'm a hypocrite because I'd probably do the same to save you. But... now that we know that you can trigger my magic, try not to sacrifice your powers for me, okay? I mean until there's another way. I know you're a hero, but... yeah..." Stiles trailed off for a moment. "It's also interesting that it made Deaton so very curious. I'd have loved seeing his face. It's rare that we manage to shock him. Damn!" he chuckled low, trying to ease the tension in Derek. He wasn't angry at his wolf. Just worried. He didn't want that sacrifice and maybe the magic felt it too. "We'll have to grill him why he got so curious."</p>
<p>Derek was an alpha again because he had killed an alpha, and that was different. He hadn't earned it, it happened and though he didn't treat the spark he had lightly, he had no problem sacrificing it when it was for a good reason. Stiles was a very good reason. "What good is an alpha spark if you die?" So he couldn't promise not to try it again if the situation called for it. What good would it be if he was an alpha and his mate would die, probably killing him in the process or the wall in his head would be destroyed and Derek was going to either flip out and get killed or spend the rest of his days in Eichen house? So he didn't say anything to it, not wanting to make a promise he might not be able to keep.<br/><br/>"I meant don't try to save me with your alpha spark unless there's no other way. That's all," Stiles shrugged, which Derek would feel since his arm was back around him again.<br/><br/>"About Deaton… Yeah, I was a little busy passing out so I didn't get to ask about his curiosity." Nor had he wanted to ask him with the way Deaton had been scolding him for days. It was possible that the magic knew it wasn't needed but that thought wasn't as assuring because it meant it was more sentient than Derek liked it to be. It meant they had something inside of them with a high intelligence and it was even more dangerous if that was true. What powers had they touched upon and what did it mean for them as a bonded pair?<br/><br/>"An alpha spark is like magic. The fact that your magic gave it back while you were being out cold… it worries me." Jennifer's magic had always felt more like it had been hers. It had been dark but it had come from her and it acted on her emotions. It hadn't felt like it was sentient. This was clearly way more advanced, which was possibly the reason why Deaton was so curious as well. They had so much to worry about already, adding weird magic to it was the last thing he wanted but Stiles had a right to know.</p>
<p>Stiles frowned lightly from Derek's worries. "Why are you worried about it? Magic is a mysterious force and has many forms. I honestly don't feel a reason for you to fear what's inside me and through the bonds inside you too. I mean... my magic... my Spark never did anything to harm us. It feels like... an ancient, instinct-based form of energy to me. It reacts mostly to my emotions and yes, it sometimes acts as if it has its own consciousness, but that's just not possible. Magic is channeled energy. From the land, the air, the Nemeton, the different dimensions we cannot even comprehend. Mine is the same as far as its basis goes. What makes mine special is the Spark in me which amplifies it. I'm like a vessel, a conduit for it to manifest. Usually controlled. Problems might occur only when I lose that control and it lashes out. Like in the forest," he explained. His sessions with Deaton and the research he had done so far were both clear in his words.<br/><br/>"Don't fear it, Derek. It won't hurt you, I promise," he said. Whether it'd hurt Stiles at some point was a different question entirely, but he very wisely didn't mention that. Still, Stiles was 100% sure that his magic wouldn't hurt Derek. It had proven it a few times before and the most recent was when it gave back the alpha spark to their wolf. "What complicates things are our shared bond to the Nemeton and the temptation that the lay lines provide too."</p>
<p>"I don't… fear it. I'm worried about it." And not for unclear reasons. The Nemeton wasn't as neutral as it should be, the lay lines... he had no idea what kind of magic they had but magic was something not to be accepted blindly at least. It was something to be cautious about. And he wasn't even worried about it hurting him, he was worried about being something that was going to be impossible to control because of the way it acted. Not all of that was Stiles. None of it was Derek. Because the magic he had was also from Stiles, he only stored it, not created it.<br/><br/>"Angels have no real bodies, they're made of pure energy. It's not that farfetched that something you created could become... more." Maybe it sounded paranoid, maybe it was because he had seen too much and experienced too much but Derek knew that nothing could ever be fully controlled, especially when it came from nature, from them. From the Nemeton. "I just want you to be careful with it." Something which felt good didn't mean it would also be good. "But I know it won't hurt me, it seems to like me just fine." The magic probably realized that it would be a good idea to keep Derek around since he was keeping it safe for Stiles to be this powerful without exploding. Most of the time. Obviously he had failed with that this last time.</p>
<p>"Huh. Never thought about it like that before... You have a good point," Stiles murmured after a moment or two. He had to admit that there was probably truth in Derek's words, but he didn't want to fear his own magic. What he got from the Nemeton was a different beast on its own, but his own magic was warm and comforting and useful. It gave him confidence and power which he could use for good. (Except for that one occasion in the forest.) But he knew that he could just as easily turn the tables and use it for bad stuff. Luckily he wasn't that kind of a guy, but who knows what the future might hold for them, right?<br/><br/>"Probably the magic is evolving with us too. With each power surge we get stronger along with it as we step onto a higher level. It's bound to become something more along the way too..." Stiles mused, nuzzling more comfortable into Derek's warm hold. "We'll ask more about such things and the nature of my magic from Deaton. Later though..." he stifled a yawn as he leaned his forehead against Derek's on the pillow. "Think I need some more sleep," he finally admitted. Talking this much took a toll on his still recovering body, but the closeness of his mate was definitely helping as he felt a bit safer and warmer in his arms. Stiles was also very relieved that in the end Derek didn't run and he didn't lose his stubborn, thick-headed wolf.<br/><br/>"I love you," he whispered, pressing his lips to the other's mouth before resting his head back on the pillow, nuzzling into the warm body as much as he could already half-asleep and with closed eyes. "Stay with me..." he mumbled barely coherently, the deeper meaning of the words already lost on Stiles since the next moment he was falling into a deep healing sleep.</p>
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